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# Untoxicated

Curiously exploring sober and unashamed.

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://soberandunashamed.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [Blog](https://soberandunashamed.com/blog/)
- [The Ice Cream and Whiskey Monologue](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-ice-cream-and-whiskey-monologue/) - “There’s more food on the stove. Please have more dinner! I’m glad to see you like my cooking.” One hour passes. As you take the Tupperware from the refrigerator, you hear, “You’re eating again?” Sometimes the judgment is so subtle, it is hard to hear. Keep listening. “When are you going
- [Purple Passion](https://soberandunashamed.com/purple-passion/) - I used to be consumed by consumption. I was either drinking alcohol, thinking about drinking alcohol or filled with shame and regret from over drinking. Now that I am sober and unashamed, my confidence and self esteem has returned - so much so that I dyed my hair purple and I don\'t care what anyone thinks about it.
- [Ever-Present Papou](https://soberandunashamed.com/ever-present-papou/) - Papou (Greek for grandfather) was a loving family man, a Marine, a business owner, a golfer and a devout Christian. As the patriarch, his enduring smile brought us great comfort. For me, an alcoholic, I know Papou\'s smile was not the only thing that was ever-present.
- [When a Man Loves a Woman](https://soberandunashamed.com/when-a-man-loves-a-woman/) - Sobriety doesn\'t fix anything for a marriage drowning in alcoholism. In fact, sobriety reveals the depths of the wounds. But when a man loves a woman, and a woman loves a man, there is a chance for healing. A happy ending is not guaranteed, but love and honesty lead to hope.
- [Losing Everything: Kyle's Story of Fading Hope](https://soberandunashamed.com/losing-everything-kyles-story-of-fading-hope/) - I thought Kyle and I had the exact same story, and I thought my method for permanent sobriety would work for him. Nothing\'s working, and I don\'t know what to do, so here\'s what I did.
- [The Art of Alcoholic Self-Destruction](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-art-of-alcoholic-self-destruction/) - It was a lovely evening - a gathering at a local art gallery featuring friends, food and drink. While most sipped their wine or beer, Carmen and I poured shot after shot of tequila until we turned festivity into out-of-control obnoxiousness. But that was just the beginning. The next day was the true nightmare.
- [Happy Dependence Day](https://soberandunashamed.com/happy-dependence-day/) - Independence Day is a myth. We are all dependent on something. For 25 years, I was dependent on alcohol, especially during sunny summer holidays. Now I depend on my faith, my family and my friends to maintain my sobriety in an alcohol soaked world.
- [Hiding Behind My Lies](https://soberandunashamed.com/hiding-behind-my-lies/) - I lied about how much I drank. I downplayed the aftermath of my drinking. Now, in permanent sobriety, I am trying to repair the relationships with the people I love. As I tear down the walls of deceit, emotional distance and distrust is left in the wake of my alcoholism.
- [Saint Patrick's Empty Promise](https://soberandunashamed.com/saint-patricks-empty-promise/) - I have always loved Saint Patrick\'s Day. I thought it was the festive celebration and my 12.5% Irish heritage that made the holiday so special for me. Now that I have been through my second Saint Patrick\'s Day sober, I realize that, for me, it is a holiday about worshiping booze.
- [The Most Important Thing I Learned from College](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-most-important-thing-i-learned-from-college/) - I have long considered my four care-free college years of friends, beer, girls, sports, vodka and minimal learning as the best time in my life. Now, in permanent sobriety, I see the time and tuition I wasted as I solidified my addiction. I must break the cycle and protect my kids from the same fate.
- [Sobering Reality - I Am Good with That](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobering-reality-i-am-good-with-that/) - I had high expectations for my life after alcoholism. From weight loss to an instant improvement in my marriage, I thought of sobriety as a magic potion. In reality, drastic life improvements have not materialized, but contentment and peacefulness have. I am good with that.
- [Coming Out Alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/coming-out-alcoholic/) - High-functioning alcoholic faced shame and debilitating alcohol-induced depression. Now in sobriety, he faces the shame of abstinence in an alcohol-soaked world.
- [Perfectly Tragic](https://soberandunashamed.com/perfectly-tragic/) - Everyone with whom I share the secret of my alcoholism has a story of how alcohol has damaged their life as well. Addiction's reach is perfectly tragic.
- [The Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Times I Quit Drinking Alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-forth-fifth-and-sixth-times-i-quit-drinking-alcohol/) - My alcoholism included lots of fun party times. When I tried to quit drinking alcohol, the fear of missing out on the fun sent me reeling back to the bottle.
- [The Third Time I Quit Drinking Alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-third-time-i-quit-drinking-alcohol/) - I was determined to weather the storm of questions, funny looks and comments from my friends, but the stress alcohol had put on my marriage was too much.
- [The Second Time I Quit Drinking Alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-second-time-i-quit-drinking-alcohol/) - This time, I didn't face the shame of not drinking in a world filled with drinkers. I pretended. I became a connoisseur of non-alcoholic beers. Another failure!
- [The First Time I Quit Drinking Alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-first-time-i-quit-drinking-alcohol/) - Alcoholism is a disease of shame. I was ashamed of my out-of-control drinking. When I tried to quit drinking, I was equally ashamed to be the only sober person.
- [Not Me or Not Yet?](https://soberandunashamed.com/not-me-or-not-yet/) - High-functioning alcoholic considers his priorities. Alcohol could never become more important than family. Or was it just a matter of time?
- [The Shame of Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-shame-of-sobriety/) - Abstaining from alcohol in our alcohol-soaked society bring the shame of being broken and abnormal to this recovered high-functioning alcoholic.
- [My Final Alcoholic Descent](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-final-alcoholic-descent/) - High-functioning alcoholic hits bottom. Shame and alcohol-induced depression leaves him hopeless and full of despair. He must get sober.
- [My Victim, My Wife](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-victim-my-wife/) - We were standing arm in arm - inextricably linked - at the gates of hell. My alcoholism had only one victim, and I loved her very much. I never lied or hurt her intentionally, but when the alcohol was in charge, I was a despicable husband and my addiction was killing us both.
- [Evolution Series: Doing without Knowing](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-doing-without-knowing/) - Jodi's stuck waiting for outcomes to be clear before she is "ready" to take action. She knows she'll never really know, and needs to start doing before knowing.
- [Requisite](https://soberandunashamed.com/requisite/) - Sobriety is a prerequisite for the work of both individual and relationship recovery. Only with complete emotional safety can we bring back peace and joy.
- [Pouring the Alcoholic Foundation](https://soberandunashamed.com/pouring-the-alcoholic-foundation/) - I was in love with alcohol - or at least the idea of drinking alcohol - from my first youthful sip. My love for booze grew through teen experimentation with my middle and high school friends. Glimpses of dangers to come were present, but they were overwhelmed by good times and coming of age experiences.
- [Exorcizing the "F" Word](https://soberandunashamed.com/exorcizing-the-f-word/) - Prioritizing the people in my life over any arbitrary, short-term goals, makes life slow down and feel peaceful. Staying curious makes me less frantic.
- [Humans. Am I Right?](https://soberandunashamed.com/humans-am-i-right/) - Humans have some bizarre traditions. Not the least puzzling is our willingness to drink a brain toxin and say dumb things in public. Humans. Am I right?
- [Rounded Corners](https://soberandunashamed.com/rounded-corners/) - The single most critical necessity to my permanent sobriety is grieving and mourning the loss of the love of my life. Euphoria is dead. But so, too, is chaos. If I don\'t believe it - if I don\'t manage the pain of my loss - I\'ll drink.
- [Catastrophic Relapse](https://soberandunashamed.com/catastrophic-relapse/) - I am happy and confident in sobriety, but I know I am one catastrophe away from a return to drinking alcohol. If a major tragedy struck my wife or children, I would seek comfort in a bottle. The understanding of the tenuous nature of my sobriety keeps me humble and alert. The uncertainty helps maintain my abstinence.
- [This Is Why She Doesn't Trust You](https://soberandunashamed.com/this-is-why-she-doesnt-trust-you/) - If there is lingering anger, resentment, and lost trust in your alcoholic or emotionally abusive relationship in recovery, this is why she doesn't trust you.
- [Eclipsing Cancer](https://soberandunashamed.com/eclipsing-cancer/) - Cancer touches the lives of everyone, yet more people suffer from alcoholism than cancer. We deal with cancer in open and supportive ways while shamefully hiding alcoholism with hushed whispers. Alcoholism is curable if we pull the conversation out of the shadows and end the associated stigma.
- [Never Quite Measuring Up](https://soberandunashamed.com/never-quite-measuring-up/) - Goal orientation has undeniable value, but when taken to extremes, it can lead to addiction and misery. To be a goalaholic is a suffering that needs recovery.
- [Boondoggle](https://soberandunashamed.com/boondoggle/) - The booze was abundant on this high-functioning alcoholic\'s annual business convention. What was seemingly harmless alcohol-induced mischief to most resulted in debilitating depression for our budding alcoholic. It was the best of times that resulted in misery.
- [Big Birthday Revolution](https://soberandunashamed.com/big-birthday-revolution/) - The Big Birthday industry has used decades of conditioning to manipulate us into a ritual of waste. Now that I'm sober, I'm leading an anti-birthday revolution.
- [Dancing with the Devil](https://soberandunashamed.com/dancing-with-the-devil/) - Being married to an alcoholic is like dancing with the devil. The addict chooses when and how much to drink, and the spouse is forced to follow his lead and protect her toes from his clumsiness. As alcohol abuse continues, the spouse's defense mechanisms grow strong. The relationship weakens with every drink.
- [Rose, part two](https://soberandunashamed.com/rose-part-two/) - When her partner got sober, that's when the emotional abuse started. When he stopped trying to control how much alcohol he drank, he turned to controlling her.
- [Hooked](https://soberandunashamed.com/hooked/) - Alcohol addiction can get an early start even in a stable, loving, middle-class family. Patterns learned as a child are often patterns repeated in adulthood.
- [Rose, part one](https://soberandunashamed.com/rose-part-one/) - Her lack of self-confidence meant Rose missed the red flags of her partner's slide into alcoholism. And her lack of self-confidence got worse in his sobriety.
- [She IS Stuck in the Past](https://soberandunashamed.com/she-is-stuck-in-the-past/) - Processing the trauma of an alcoholic partnership isn't all about the shameful behavior of the drinker. It's about freeing the partner from the shame of staying
- [Jen, part two](https://soberandunashamed.com/jen-part-two/) - Deciding to leave is just the beginning of the end of an alcoholic marriage. In part two of this series, we see Jen work hard to protect and free her kids.
- [Jen, part one](https://soberandunashamed.com/jen-part-one/) - Jen watched as the progression of high-functioning alcoholism overcame her husband, and terrorized her and her kids. She knew she had to find a way out.
- [It Won't Matter](https://soberandunashamed.com/it-wont-matter/) - It won't matter. That's the message I wish I could share with a younger version of myself about the societal connection between alcohol and Saint Patrick's Day.
- [The Family Scar](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-family-scar/) - The trauma of addiction never goes away. The key is to process the trauma, and let the lessons of the past guide decisions of the future. Forgive, don't forget.
- [Evolution Series: Consequences of Confrontation](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-consequences-of-confrontation/) - Avoiding confrontation felt like not rocking the boat. But now, embracing confrontation, even when it is hard, has led to consequences, progress, and healing.
- [Enough](https://soberandunashamed.com/enough/) - Is having enough about accumulating more or about needing less? We are experiencing a global awakening about power addiction whether or not we yet realize it.
- [Shameful Awakening](https://soberandunashamed.com/shameful-awakening/) - We have to prioritize character over politics, party, or policy. We have to unite, Republicans, Democrats, liberals, conservatives, progressives to defeat evil.
- [Catastrophism](https://soberandunashamed.com/catastrophism/) - The behaviors and consequences of an end-stage power addict have me questioning why normal life goes on. Isn't this catastrophic, or am I just imagining it?
- [Soft Pillows](https://soberandunashamed.com/soft-pillows/) - We cannot offer other humans soft landings when it comes to recovery from alcoholism or other addictions. We have to enforce boundaries knowing we don't know.
- [Cold Hands](https://soberandunashamed.com/cold-hands/) - We are all suffering the collateral damage of power addiction. Don't ignore the addiction hiding behind political and policy debates, and the fear and anger.
- [And I Thought Alcohol Addiction Was Dangerous](https://soberandunashamed.com/and-i-thought-alcohol-addiction-was-dangerous/) - Alcohol addiction is scary, but an even more dangerous addiction hides in plain sight. Our social media addictions will be the end of compromise and democracy.
- [Million-Dollar Endorsement](https://soberandunashamed.com/million-dollar-endorsement/) - Emotional safety includes absorbing the sadness and anger of resentment from past behavior, and consistently showing up as a resource for friends and family.
- [The Cruelty of Addiction](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-cruelty-of-addiction/) - It is hard to carry the peace & love of the holidays into the hussle culture of the new year when confronted with the cruelty of Donald Trump's power addiction.
- [Evolution Series: Christmas Card](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-christmas-card/) - The trauma of alcoholism and divorce changes the partner of the drinker. When the partner's family doesn't understand the extent of the damage, it hurts again.
- [Elephant Around the Christmas Tree](https://soberandunashamed.com/elephant-around-the-christmas-tree/) - Sometimes we can't see the alcoholic passed out under the Christmas Tree. And at the most wonderful time of the year, the partner is stuck, isolated & betrayed.
- [Parents Crushing Kids' Emotional Grit](https://soberandunashamed.com/parents-crushing-kids-emotional-grit/) - Helicopter parenting is creating an environment where kids can's develop emotional grit. Combined with damage done by technology, and our kids are in trouble.
- [Masculinity that's NOT Toxic](https://soberandunashamed.com/masculinity-thats-not-toxic/) - Emotional Masculinity providing emotional safety, protecting the family from criticism, leading emotional intimacy, serving, and having accountability and grit.
- [3 Things I Love about Friendsgiving](https://soberandunashamed.com/3-things-i-love-about-friendsgiving/) - I don't just love Friendsgiving because there is no political conflict. I love it for three reasons: a beverage, a particular food, and the age of my kids.
- [Emotional Safety is a Dying Fad](https://soberandunashamed.com/emotional-safety-is-a-dying-fad/) - Who needs emotional safety, when instead, I can terrorize my family with manipulation, denials, gaslighting, and a total lack of accountability?
- [I Wish She Would Die](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-wish-she-would-die/) - Wishing for the death of another human only comes when all avenues for bringing the abuse to an end have been exhausted, and the relief depends on it.
- [Atrophied Intelligence](https://soberandunashamed.com/atrophied-intelligence/) - We should write for the cognitive benefits of forming both thoughts and sentences. We should think and research and consider. AI is not a tool, it is a threat.
- [The Divorce Rate is Too Low](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-divorce-rate-is-too-low/) - Physical abuse, child abuse, & infidelity cross a red line in our society. We need to include emotional abuse and financial abuse as justification for divorce.
- [Bizarre at the Boathouse, Part 2](https://soberandunashamed.com/bizarre-at-the-boathouse-part-2/) - Alcohol is often described as a social lubricant. We consider the fact that alcohol actually stifles vulnerability and authenticity counterintuitively.
- [Bizarre at the Boathouse, Part 1](https://soberandunashamed.com/bizarre-at-the-boathouse-part-1/) - We have a lot of cultural traditions that do more to exacerbate the epidemic of technology addiction, especially in teens, than to help fix the problem.
- [Progress](https://soberandunashamed.com/progress/) - The greatest example of progress in the 21st century developed world is the smartphone/internet combination. We dispute the idea that progress is always good.
- [Yummy Summer of Turd](https://soberandunashamed.com/yummy-summer-of-turd/) - Self-confident, emotionally safe connection leads to joy and love unavailable with alcohol. Alcohol is isolating even when we think it is a social lubricant.
- [Rubber Stamping a Toxic Culture](https://soberandunashamed.com/rubber-stamping-a-toxic-culture/) - The mental health crisis that leads to mass shootings and political violence is about low self-worth and young men conditioned to be aggressive or be teased.
- [Senseless Urgency](https://soberandunashamed.com/senseless-urgency/) - Humans can be conditioned to feel a sense of urgency about the mundane, or to ignore a sense of urgency about the truly urgent. Alcohol exacerbates this truth.
- [Inevitability of an Alcoholic Divorce](https://soberandunashamed.com/inevitability-of-an-alcoholic-divorce/) - As an active alcoholic, I avoided outward signs of catastrophe. In sobriety, I thought I would recovery from my disease unscathed. But the damage I caused in private was more destructive than I ever imagined.
- [A.B.D.](https://soberandunashamed.com/a-b-d/) - A.B.D. Always be dating for relationship repair from alcoholism. Emotional safety and emotional intimacy lead to sexual satisfaction and a solid partnership.
- [Good Morning, Gorgeous](https://soberandunashamed.com/good-morning-gorgeous/) - Women don't rely on men for physical, financial, or intellectual security. So what attracts women to men in this modern world of female independence?
- [Dudes on the Struggle Bus](https://soberandunashamed.com/dudes-on-the-struggle-bus/) - Men are struggling, and the most critical intervention is to teach boys and men to be emotionally mature. In relationships, men need to offer emotional safety.
- [Courtesy Flush](https://soberandunashamed.com/courtesy-flush/) - Opportunities to experience pleasure are abundant. Our recognition that addiction is a spectrum disorder, and that we are all on the spectrum, is critical.
- [(Un)Lone Bone](https://soberandunashamed.com/unlone-bone/) - When musicians playing less-popular instruments come together in support of each other. It is not the music that is special. It is the people who are special.
- [Bitch](https://soberandunashamed.com/bitch/) - Humans interaction is both the best and worst part of humanity. Oh, and morning interactions are almost always better than their late-night alternative.
- [Marriage Rash](https://soberandunashamed.com/marriage-rash/) - My wife is allergic to her wedding ring. After twenty-five years of marriage, she finally developed a rash from my persistent irritations.
- [Keep My Food Out of Your Mouth](https://soberandunashamed.com/keep-my-food-out-of-your-mouth/) - A lack of emotional safety is an existential threat to the survival of the population. Women no longer need men, and they don't want men who are not safe.
- [Do You See What I See?](https://soberandunashamed.com/do-you-see-what-i-see/) - What looks to some like jovial alcohol consumption looks clearly to others like a terrorizing experience waiting for closed doors to happen. Emotional abuse.
- [Insignificance](https://soberandunashamed.com/insignificance/) - Feeling insignificant is a universal underlying issues of alcoholism. Self-confidence is elusive in a society that labels money, power and fame significant.
- [An Open Letter to My Children](https://soberandunashamed.com/an-open-letter-to-my-children/) - Alcoholism is traumatic, but alcohol in moderation is dangerous, too - both biologically and to our mental health. We are much better off earning pleasure.
- [Dance Like Everybody's Watching](https://soberandunashamed.com/dance-like-everybodys-watching/) - Confidence comes from doing the things that require a little liquid courage without the liquid courage. In this case, dancing like everybody was watching.
- [Cabbage Overdose](https://soberandunashamed.com/cabbage-overdose/) - Having a penchant for compulsivity can lead to lover indulgence on the addiction spectrum. We really can overdose on things that are, in moderation, healthy.
- [An Evolving Tradition](https://soberandunashamed.com/an-evolving-tradition/) - Now in long-term sobriety and recovery, being around the next generation of people I love who choose to over-indulge in alcohol is harder than I anticipated.
- [Who the f&@% is this guy?](https://soberandunashamed.com/who-the-f-is-this-guy/) - Relationship recovery after alcoholism requires a consistent environment of emotional safety, and processing of resentment and trauma caused by the addiction.
- [Accumulation](https://soberandunashamed.com/accumulation/) - The accumulation of consequences of alcohol becomes more apparent in long-term sobriety and recovery. No matter how much we grow, we can't outrun accumulation.
- [Numbers](https://soberandunashamed.com/numbers/) - In the quest for self-actualization, the pursuit of numbers inverts. We release our fixation with more, and concentrate on the only number that counts: one.
- [Momentum](https://soberandunashamed.com/momentum/) - Whether we are trying to be a master in a particular field, or trying to recover a relationship from trauma and addiction, consistency and momentum is key.
- [For the Love of Bubbles and Bacon](https://soberandunashamed.com/for-the-love-of-bubbles-and-bacon/) - With all of its well-documented failings, organized religious offers a safe environment to express and receive love like no other in our society.
- [Selling Out](https://soberandunashamed.com/selling-out/) - Our house was protector and secret keeper, trauma survivor and memory maker, historian of laughter and elaborate dinners and music made and movies watched.
- [Hug, Act II](https://soberandunashamed.com/hug-act-ii/) - Hugs are a great way for our society to practice affirmative consent and respect boundaries. Hugs are also meaningful connection that we need, know it or not.
- [March without the Madness](https://soberandunashamed.com/march-without-the-madness/) - March without the Madness means no damage to my marriage, no money lost gambling, no puke, and no drunken belligerence. Thank God for March without the Madness.
- [Her Touch](https://soberandunashamed.com/her-touch/) - The connection of physical intimacy, with or without sex, comes from security, trust, and approval. When it is authentic, it brings pure relie
- [Basking in My Greatness](https://soberandunashamed.com/basking-in-my-greatness/) - Nothing is more important to feel great than how we feel about ourselves. If we have the perspective to appreciate greatness this awareness leads to peace.
- [Evolution Series: You're Right, I Am the One Who Changed](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-youre-right-i-am-the-one-who-changed/) - Kelly grew and evolved, because adulthood and parenthood mandated the change. She changed in a marriage with a man who was stuck in the memories of youth.
- [Gentlemen Only Wear Suits to Funerals](https://soberandunashamed.com/gentlemen-only-wear-suits-to-funerals/) - At the very time in human history when women need men the least, men are less gentlemanly and emotionally unstable. This essay is my personal experience.
- [Red-Eye](https://soberandunashamed.com/red-eye/) - The discomfort of the red-eye flight transitioned abruptly to peacefulness, contentment, and an awareness of the tenuous nature of it all. Connection ensued.
- [Pals](https://soberandunashamed.com/pals/) - Easy friendship is hard to come by, and unspeakably valuable. This is the story of a connection that I had to feel to understand, because words were not enough.
- [Hugs](https://soberandunashamed.com/hugs/) - Hugs from my family have a variety of expressions and meanings. We communicate through huds. Above all, hugs from people who love me are an unending blessing.
- [Why Merry Christmas?](https://soberandunashamed.com/why-merry-christmas/) - If it isn't Santa, and it isn't the nativity story, what makes Christmas so captivating despite the stress and anxiety it brings?
- [Puzzles, Picture Albums, and Board Games](https://soberandunashamed.com/puzzles-picture-albums-and-board-games/) - Puzzles, board games, and picture albums are signs of love, peace, and contentment unavailable during the anxiety and depression of alcoholism.
- [I Might Be Getting Fired](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-might-be-getting-fired/) - Vulnerability and authenticity about my experiences with alcoholism, and the impact of alcohol on sex and intimacy in my marriage, might be getting me fired
- [Not Me](https://soberandunashamed.com/not-me/) - Nothing hides a drinking problem like the holidays. Think you\'re a normal drinker? Everyone\'s a normal drinker on Thanksgiving.
- [Evolution Series: Is This Emotional Abuse?](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-is-this-emotional-abuse/) - While helping protect someone else from abuse in the home, Sara recognized the emotional abuse she and her family suffered from in their own home.
- [I Am Curious](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-am-curious/)
- [Evolution Series: Distortion](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-distortion/) - Alcohol killed Melanie's husband. The distortion between his thoughts and her truth was an accomplice to his demise. Now she wrestles with the distortion
- [Intimacy Series: Trust that Orgasms Matter](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-series-trust-that-orgasms-matter/) - Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy and sexual satisfaction all lead to self-esteem and trust in relationships recovering from alcoholism.
- [Evolution Series: Don't Ask About Him](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-dont-ask-about-him/) - Don't ask about him because you wouldn't understand the pain of a romantic partnership with an alcoholic. It doesn't help if you insult him on my behal
- [Nurturing Comfort](https://soberandunashamed.com/nurturing-comfort/) - Comfort is as necessary as food or shelter for our survival. As children, we seek comfort naturally, instinctually. As wounded and jaded adults, we look for comfort in food, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. And it works...until it doesn\'t.
- [I Know Your Secret](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-know-your-secret/) - When we share our secrets, we open ourselves to support, bonding and connection. Empathy and growth both come from authenticity and vulnerability.
- [Intimacy Series: What a Turn On](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-series-what-a-turn-on/) - Reactive arousal is not just a less active form of spontaneous arousal. There are factors that lead to arousal, and others that prevent arousal.
- [I'm Afraid](https://soberandunashamed.com/im-afraid/) - Fear is the only emotion, and it is a clear and tangible underlying cause of addiction when we choose a substance or activity to self-medicate our fears.
- [Independence that's Worth the Fight](https://soberandunashamed.com/independence-thats-worth-the-fight/) - Sobriety and recovery from addiction are prerequisites for the true independence and freedom that is only available with curiosity and a growth mindset.
- [Intimacy Series: The Rejection Inherent in Consent](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-series-the-rejection-inherent-in-consent/) - Enthusiastic sexual consent is crucial to relationship recovery, and is critical to avoiding the rejection inherent in reluctant consent.
- [Evolution Series: When the Solution is the Problem](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-when-the-solution-is-the-problem/) - Better is what I need to get My solution was pollution The toxicity in every sluggish cell in my system Fight the power Hell…I fight my own wisdom
- [Intimacy Series: Another Mother or a Lover?](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-series-another-mother-or-a-lover/) - Attraction changes as we mature, and as our life experiences change our expectations from romantic partnerships. Alcoholism makes attraction more ellusive.
- [Evolution Series: There Was Before and then There Was After](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-there-was-before-and-then-there-was-after/) - She’s stuck in the past or the future; it makes it easier not to have to be present, and after another long fight, she can say to herself, I’ll decide tomorrow
- [Our Most Popular Words Ever](https://soberandunashamed.com/our-most-popular-words-ever/) - We challenge you to share our most popular words ever with your community. Pay it forward and feel the benefits of vulnerability and authenticity.
- [Monday Mornings](https://soberandunashamed.com/monday-mornings/) - As an active alcoholic, Monday mornings were full of debilitating anxiety and depression. Now in long-term sobriety, I still battle anxiety on Monday mornings.
- [Intimacy Series: Sex-Drive Snowflakes](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-series-sex-drive-snowflakes/) - Sexual desire discrepancy is universal in committed romantic partnerships. Abusive alcohol consumption results in growing discrepancy that is really painful.
- [Undignified Duplicity](https://soberandunashamed.com/undignified-duplicity/) - I\'m not an alcoholic, but...I hate the nightly urge to drink wine. But...I occasionally overdo it and live with the regret. But...I drink a little because I can\'t remember when I didn\'t. And now I feel stuck. Is this all there is?
- [Evolution Series: The Cottage](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-the-cottage/) - Childhood memories can ground us and help us remember who we are - people who deserve peace and safety free from the chaos of alcoholism.
- [Confessions](https://soberandunashamed.com/confessions/) - In recovery and sobriety, I had to make the transition from not being able to drink to avoiding a toxin because my life is more rewarding and peaceful sober.
- [Evolution Series: The Beast](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-the-beast/) - Can you hear the beast in your head? Do you try to silence it? Are you efforts in vain? Are you in search of the firefly? In search of freedom?
- [Alcohol without Consequences](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcohol-without-consequences/) - While I was crossing a street in Chicago, a parked car backed into the crosswalk and stopped just short of taking me out at the knees. In anger, I slammed my fist down on the trunk of the car and shouted some obligatory curse words. The driver pulled forward into the parking spot, put the
- [Intimacy Series: No One is Sexually Broken](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-series-no-one-is-sexually-broken/) - In relationship recovery from alcoholism, rebuilding intimacy can lead to rebuilding trust. It is all built on the foundational belief that no one is broken.
- [The Number 1 Reason Intimacy Suffers in Alcoholism (or Even Without Addiction)](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-number-1-reason-intimacy-suffers-in-alcoholism-or-even-without-addiction/) - Young love feels like it will last forever. But we are never taught how to navigate shifting needs of an intimate relationship in adulthood, and alcohol only makes matters worse.
- [#1 Reason to Recover Out Loud](https://soberandunashamed.com/1-reason-to-recover-out-loud/) - What makes you think you deserve to keep your private troubles a secret? Dealing privately is as shame-filled as it is selfish. Recover out loud & help your neighbors while you help yourself.
- [Cat Videos, Sugar Shame and Treadmill Trauma](https://soberandunashamed.com/cat-videos-sugar-shame-and-treadmill-trauma/) - Resources for belonging are available regardless of how alcoholism has impacted you and your relationships. Social media and resolutions aren't the solution.
- [A Glimmer of Hope for Alcoholism's Cure](https://soberandunashamed.com/a-glimmer-of-hope-for-alcoholisms-cure/) - Talking to drinkers about the dangers of alcohol while they are drinking is usually a bad idea. But when a group of neighbors at a Christmas party engaged me in an intellectual conversation about alcoholism, it gave me hope for a cure.
- [10 Gift Ideas for Concerned Drinkers this Christmas](https://soberandunashamed.com/10-gift-ideas-for-concerned-drinkers-this-christmas/) - Looking for the perfect gift for a loved one who might be in trouble with their drinking? Here are 10 gift Ideas for concerned drinkers. Give the gift of hope.
- [Evolution Series: Taking Back the Holidays](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-taking-back-the-holidays/) - Stephanie's strategy for taking back the holidays after living with addiction. Some traditions need adjustment, and others need to make room for new traditions.
- [Sobriety is Not My Thing Anymore](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-is-not-my-thing-anymore/) - Sobriety and recovery open the door to more important growth and nervous-system healing. Living in the present takes on new meaning when framed this way.
- [Come What May](https://soberandunashamed.com/come-what-may/) - Alcoholism has destroyed millions of marriages, and sobriety is often not enough to solve relationship problems. My wife, Sheri, and I have been to hell and back. Our love for one another does not resemble the way we felt for each other when we met in 1994. Recovery changes people.
- [Alcoholism: The Words We Choose Are the Problem](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholism-the-words-we-choose-are-the-problem/) - A disease like alcoholism isn't a problem. The victims need more than help. Words matter. We use the wrong ones because we lack empathy, understanding or intelligence.
- [Evolution Series: If You are Wondering](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-if-you-are-wondering/) - If you are wondering about your relationship, continue to be curious, and decide what you deserve. We can't fix other people, but we can prioritize ourselves.
- [Your Thing Doesn't Look Like My Thing (but we both have things)](https://soberandunashamed.com/your-thing-doesnt-look-like-my-thing-but-we-both-have-things/) - Maladaptive coping mechanisms and the great technology experiment. How addiction is stigmatized and pits us versus them when we are all in the same battle.
- [The Developing Story](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-developing-story/) - I have vivid memories of the high school English teacher who ruined writing for me. I don’t remember her name, but she was tall and slender, and she wore flowing, button-down blouses and kept money and slips of paper tucking into her left-shoulder bra strap. I cringed every time she reached behind those shirt buttons
- [Deadly Secret](https://soberandunashamed.com/deadly-secret/) - When I first told my dear friend, Anna, about my addiction to alcohol, she listened and asked intelligent, knowing questions. She barely drank at all. I wondered why she understood so much about alcoholism. I was stunned when she revealed her family\'s deadly alcoholic secret.
- [Evolution Series: You Deserve...](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-you-deserve/)
- [You'll get All the Support You Need when You're Dead](https://soberandunashamed.com/youll-get-all-the-support-you-need-when-youre-dead/) - We are so bad at supporting alcoholics and the loved ones of alcoholics. It is uncomfortable and messy, but it is also a solution to the epidemic of alcoholism.
- [Alcohol Could Make It All Go Away](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcohol-could-make-it-all-go-away/)
- [Evolution Series: The Fairness Fallacy](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-the-fairness-fallacy/)
- [Addiction is a (Bad) Coping Mechanism](https://soberandunashamed.com/addiction-is-a-bad-coping-mechanism/)
- [The Fight for Independence](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-fight-for-independence/) - Funny how most people celebrate Independence Day with a 12 ounce can of dependence in their hand. I fought hard for my freedom, and my celebration is much more than a party.
- [Euphoria, Unintoxicated](https://soberandunashamed.com/euphoria-unintoxicated/)
- [Overwhelming Stupidity](https://soberandunashamed.com/overwhelming-stupidity/)
- [Evolution Series: The Four Letter F-Word](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-the-four-letter-f-word/) - Fear. According to Yoda, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Or maybe for me: Fear leads to silence. Silence leads to pain. Pain leads to resentment. Fear. Four simple letters. One little word. A massive amount of weight.
- [Selfish](https://soberandunashamed.com/selfish/)
- [A Thundering Herd of Drunk Unicorns](https://soberandunashamed.com/a-thundering-herd-of-drunk-unicorns/)
- [A Mountain of Alcoholic Desire](https://soberandunashamed.com/a-mountain-of-alcoholic-desire/) - Where the peaks are too steep to hold snow as they touch the dark blue sky on the edge of space - that's where beauty and unsurvivable harshness combine to make me want to drink. That's where alcoholism recovery finds its enemy.
- [What if Everyone had Known?](https://soberandunashamed.com/what-if-everyone-had-known/)
- [Evolution Series: I Deserve Better](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-i-deserve-better/)
- [Too Comfortable for Comfort](https://soberandunashamed.com/too-comfortable-for-comfort/)
- [Evolution Series: I Am Worthy](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-i-am-worthy/) - Writing about my value and worth is much more difficult than noting what I don’t deserve. It’s easy for me to be hard on myself. But, I can list a number of tangible things that I’m proud of: my daughter, that I bought a house at age 27, my career, a published paper, helping
- [Drinking: A Family Affair - Part 2](https://soberandunashamed.com/drinking-a-family-affair-part-2/) - My drinking did subtle but inexcusable damage to my children. Now in my permanent sobriety, I am filled with guilt. I am blessed that all four of them love me and depend on me. Most importantly, they are proud of me. I am thankful. My sobriety depends on it.
- [Drinking: A Family Affair - Part 1](https://soberandunashamed.com/drinking-a-family-affair-part-1/) - This is a story about the impact of alcohol on the lives of my family from the day each of our kids was born. It is not about drunkenness or neglect. It is a story about the subtle yet impactful damage my newborn children suffered.
- [The Myth of Unconditional Romantic Love](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-myth-of-unconditional-romantic-love/) - My wife loves her cats more than she loves me. That’s not intended as an attention-grabbing joke. It’s the absolute truth, and I’m OK with it. One of our cats only has one eye, and is not particularly adept at cleaning himself, and he is her all-time favorite of the dozen-or-so cats she
- [Evolution Series: Waves of Grief and Connection](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-waves-of-grief-and-connection/) - I spend time with the ocean. When I visit her, we have conversations about life. I throw all of the pain and grief that has accumulated into the waves, and I talk to the people I’ve lost. We catch up, and I leave feeling cleansed and healed and whole. I spent time with
- [The Clear and Manageable Timetable for Relationship Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-clear-and-manageable-timetable-for-relationship-recovery/) - If you put in the work and make the effort…if you are patient and compassionate…if you learn how to be a really good and empathetic listener - this is when you can expect to be finished with your post-alcoholism relationship recovery: Never. I bet that’s not the analysis you were expecting when you
- [Evolution Series: I'm Fine](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-im-fine/)
- [The Antidote to Alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-antidote-to-alcohol/) - “Antidote” - Definition, Merriam-Webster: a remedy to counteract the effects of poison There is no arguing that alcohol is a poison. You can claim that the key is moderation, or that when consumed responsibly, alcohol can enhance your life. The science and medical communities are slowly uniting around the fact that there is no
- [Penis Burning Chili](https://soberandunashamed.com/penis-burning-chili/) - Have you ever eaten chili so hot that it burned your penis? Well, I have. In fact, I not only ate it. I made it. And I tried to serve it to my family. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start this story at the beginning. For several years, my wife received a
- [Evolution Series: The Uninvitation that Changed Our Lives](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-the-uninvitation-that-changed-our-lives/)
- [The Unexpected Connection between Orgasm and Addiction](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-unexpected-connection-between-orgasm-and-addiction/)
- [Evolution Series: Fear, Shame, Knowing and Growing](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-fear-shame-knowing-and-growing/) - My mom’s alcoholism instilled in me a core belief that I was different, inadequate, and deeply flawed. I developed a belief that there was something wrong with my family, and there was something wrong with me. My parents were divorced. We didn’t have a lot of money. My mom was an alcoholic, and no one
- [Sobriety Sucks](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-sucks/)
- [Drinking for the Non-Drinker: 3 Tips to Surviving Early Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/drinking-for-the-non-drinker-3-tips-to-surviving-early-sobriety/) - Ordering a non-alcoholic drink in our alcohol-soaked society isn\'t as easy as it sounds. When the server at the bar or cocktail party brings your soda with a lime in a 32 ounce red plastic pizza parlor cup it screams, "Look at the alcoholic trying not to drink!" Here are 3 tips to navigating early sobriety.
- [The Scariest Traditions of Halloween in Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-scariest-traditions-of-halloween-in-sobriety/) - Nothing is more important to my sobriety this Halloween than conjuring up the ghosts of drunken Halloweens past. I\'ll tell you about one of the most regretful Halloweens of my life.
- [I Can't Believe What I've Done](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-cant-believe-what-ive-done/) - I’m a big horror movie fan. The beginning of October marks the start of the three-month holiday season for me. Up first…as many scary movies as my eyeballs can consume in 31 days. I like some of the slasher movies, most of the psychological thrillers, and the best of the classics. One thing I have
- [Evolution Series: Owning My Story](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-owning-my-story/) - As the partner of someone suffering from addiction, alcoholism is part of my life, my fabric of experience, and continues to take me on a deep and bizarre journey. Through this experience, I am learning, growing, trying different approaches to things - essentially navigating a thick jungle with no guide, no map, and no trails.
- [Sex, Alcohol and Ignorance Breeds Alcoholism](https://soberandunashamed.com/sex-alcohol-and-ignorance-breeds-alcoholism/) - My mom likes to tell the story at family gatherings and other social occasions. “When I approached Matt and told him it was time for us to have, ‘the talk,’ he replied, ‘Sure mom. What do you want to know?’” It is a chuckle-worthy story that illustrates two things - one accurately and one
- [Evolution Series: Releasing Control](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-releasing-control/)
- [Ideal Growing Conditions in Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/ideal-growing-conditions-in-recovery/) - In recovery from alcoholism, I don't just need to avoid alcohol. I need to avoid sugars and junk food in order to thrive and grow.
- [Relapse](https://soberandunashamed.com/relapse/)
- [Evolution Series: American Dream](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-american-dream/)
- [Your Wife's Not a Bitch](https://soberandunashamed.com/your-wifes-not-a-bitch/) - Your wife’s not a bitch. She doesn’t have her stuff that’s making the relationship bad, too. She’s not half, or even partially, to blame. I don’t know your wife, but I do know this…It’s not her fault. I had a friend in college who was really skeptical about my easy friendships with
- [Evolution Series: Deep Guts](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-deep-guts/)
- [Evolution Series: No One Cares](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-no-one-cares/) - It was my first experience being among people at a gathering where drinking alcohol would be assumed, almost mandatory. This was also my first experience with people that had no idea I quit drinking, had no idea of my disease of alcoholism, and certainly had no idea of the roller coaster of a life I
- [Pressure: The Unrelenting Underlying Cause](https://soberandunashamed.com/pressure-the-unrelenting-underlying-cause/) - I attended a Billy Joel concert at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey about 30 years ago. When he played one of his biggest hits, “Pressure,” he had two grand pianos on stage. They were carefully positioned with a precise distance between the keyboards. At one point in the song, there is a brief
- [Evolution Series: You are Less Alone than You Know](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolution-series-you-are-less-alone-than-you-know/)
- [A Hunter's Guide to Successful Gathering](https://soberandunashamed.com/a-hunters-guide-to-successful-gathering/)
- [I'm Awfully Proud of That](https://soberandunashamed.com/im-awfully-proud-of-that/) - “You’re awful proud of yourself,” he scoffed. “I’ll save a seat for you at a meeting for when you relapse.” I’d just met this AA lifer at a church service that catered to people suffering from addiction. He had asked me how I got sober. When I told him Alcoholics Anonymous wasn’t part of my
- [Belligerent Drunk](https://soberandunashamed.com/belligerent-drunk/) - Three-day-weekend drinking makes me sad. Not because I think my sobriety makes me better than the drinkers, I'm sad at the idea that this is what our holidays are all about.
- [Sobriety Season: Is it "if" or "when?"](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-season-is-it-if-or-when/) - For us imbibers, the calendar can be divided into three drinking seasons. The holiday season starts about mid October for most. I am an overachiever, both as a lush and as a lover of scary movies, so my holiday season starts on October first, sharp. The holiday season runs through the fourth quarter of
- [This Is Where I Disappear](https://soberandunashamed.com/this-is-where-i-disappear/) - I do the yardwork. I have since we moved out of our apartment and into our first rented house. By then, John was already sick, but we were still long months away from his cirrhosis diagnosis. He tried to mow the lawn once, in the early days at the rental, and gave up after five
- [Running Toward Connection](https://soberandunashamed.com/running-toward-connection/) - She was good. Really good. Like most high school stars who are awarded full-ride athletic scholarships to division one universities, Amber was used to being the best ball player on the diamond. Her freshman year at Baylor University in 2000 would be her first experience having to work hard to keep up. How did she
- [Alternative Facts, Incompatible Realities](https://soberandunashamed.com/alternative-facts-incompatible-realities/) - There’s no basement at Comet Ping Pong. Comet Ping Pong is a hip, family-friendly little restaurant in a comfy neighborhood in the Northwest quadrant of Washington, D.C. There, you can nosh on wings and wood-fired pizzas while playing ping pong (surprise!) and listening to local indie bands. In a lovely alternate reality, this is
- [People Pleaser](https://soberandunashamed.com/people-pleaser/) - I scoffed at the weak and undisciplined among us. I felt superior to anyone who struggled to control his or her sweet tooth. At a restaurant with clients or friends, I boldly drank my dessert, choosing Irish Coffee over the Creme Brulee everytime. I drank extra-bitter, extra-strong IPAs. When I drank a bourbon and Coke,
- [It ain't just a river...](https://soberandunashamed.com/it-aint-just-a-river/) - “I know you never lie to me. I believe you. You're not lying. It's worse than lying. You've forgotten.” Gaslight, 1944 The rocks glass, perched on the old steamer trunk in the basement, contains a pale pink liquid. But I know he drinks cranberry juice out of his rocks glass. Bright red cranberry
- [Intimacy is the Solution](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-is-the-solution/) - “If you would have more sex with me, I wouldn’t have to drink so much.” Ah, the twisted phrase uttered out of intoxicated desperation in marital bedrooms around the world. And every one of the millions (maybe billions) of women who have received that accusatory plea have the same two simultaneous thoughts: How dare
- [How You Dare](https://soberandunashamed.com/how-you-dare/) - How dare you? That’s the voice in my head every time I sit down to write. What gives me the right to tell these stories about my life with my alcoholic ex-husband, and the long, slow demise of our relationship? Alcoholism is personal, certainly in our culture. It’s a secret, one that he labored
- [Russia's Invasion of Our Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/russias-invasion-of-our-recovery/) - I didn’t write about the events that took place at the U.S. Capitol on January 6th, 2021. I didn’t talk about them in our Echoes of Recovery group. It wasn’t a writing prompt for our SHOUT Sobriety program. Not a word about it was mentioned during our monthly Marragevolution session, and I don’t even remember
- [Kill Switch](https://soberandunashamed.com/kill-switch/) - He hates me. Lots of why will be spun up around this in the future I’m falling headlong into (it’s the alcohol, it’s the disease, it’s not him, it’s not real). But none of you are here right now. None of you can see the way my partner, my husband, is looking
- [Consent is Not Enough](https://soberandunashamed.com/consent-is-not-enough/) - “We can.” That’s the response I received for years when I asked my wife, Sheri, if she wanted to have sex. As an active alcoholic, that consent was good enough for me. I didn’t know it, but I was looking to sex for the same dopamine hit I got from alcohol. A reluctant, “We can,”
- [Feeding Frenzy](https://soberandunashamed.com/feeding-frenzy/) - You are not just an emptiness that breathes and walks and eats... The melting point of chocolate is the temperature of the human mouth. It’s one of those happy accidents in the universe, like the apparent sizes of the discs of the moon and sun being the same, so that total solar eclipses can
- [I Wanted You to Know](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-wanted-you-to-know/) - Did you ever wonder how your alcoholism has impacted your children? Or your parents? I have wondered. I have forgiven myself for most of the repercussions of my drinking, but the impact that this family disease had on my kids is what keeps me up at night. Some of us are lucky enough to
- [A Good Bye](https://soberandunashamed.com/a-good-bye/) - In January, I finally get the text from John’s dad that I’ve been waiting on for more than a year. Oh, and the waiting. It’s astounding the stories we build up in our heads when there’s no intervention from reality to prune them into a sensible shape. I ask myself on a loop, how
- [Believing the Journey is the Destination](https://soberandunashamed.com/believing-the-journey-is-the-destination/) - I wouldn’t wish alcoholism on anyone. But...but...if I had it all to do over again, I don’t think I’d change a thing. Do you remember the Kiefer Sutherland advertising campaign for Jose Cuervo? One of the taglines was, “Just don’t have any regrets.” That’s more than a little ambitious for a pusher of tequila,
- [Perfect Silence](https://soberandunashamed.com/perfect-silence/) - I remember driving around behind Meteor Crater in Arizona, off Chavez Pass Road, on a deserted bare-bones dirt track. I was deliberately (perhaps illicitly?) skirting the crater from the outside, instead of looking into it from an officially-sanctioned observation deck. The crater visitor’s center had, honestly, offended my burgeoning amateur-astronomer sensibilities. It had a certain
- [Normalizing the Abnormal: An Alcoholic's Solution to Chaos](https://soberandunashamed.com/normalizing-the-abnormal-an-alcoholics-solution-to-chaos/) - “Come here and listen to this voicemail,” insisted my coworker, Loraine. She had a concerned look on her face, and she gestured in a way that assured me that my participation in her dilemma was not optional. She held her desk phone to my ear as I listened to the wife of another of our
- [Write Out Loud](https://soberandunashamed.com/write-out-loud/) - When I was ten, my kid sister caught me at it in the upstairs office. “What’re you doin’?” “Nothing! Go away!” “What is that?” “Nothing! Get out!” “Oh, my god, are you reading… the dictionary?” “Fuck off, and close the door!” “I’m tellin’ Mom…” I’m not sure if she reported me for that
- [Intimacy is Critical to Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/intimacy-is-critical-to-recovery/) - There’s nothing more important to a successful marriage than intimacy. There are things that are equally important, like trust (which is the cornerstone of intimacy) and loyalty and cohesive parenting and mutual protection, but there is nothing more important, if a long-term romantic relationship is to thrive, than intimacy. These aren’t the ramblings
- [The Fall](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-fall/) - It’s May, and a friend I haven’t seen for ages emails me out of the blue about an alcohol ink painting class she’s interested in. Do I want to go with her? My first thought is that it’s one of those paint & sip, wine & design numbers. I’m six months sober at this point
- [The Truth Behind the Perfect Pictures of Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-truth-behind-the-perfect-pictures-of-sobriety/) - I spent way too much time on social media during the week between the holidays. I usually post about my writing and podcast, then turn it off, so anything more than a few minutes a week makes me feel gross. I probably only scrolled fb and IG for a grand total of an hour, but
- [Let Go Your Auld Lang Syne](https://soberandunashamed.com/let-go-your-auld-lang-syne/) - Auld lang syne, I bought my first vehicle, a barest-of-bones black Mazda truck with a manual transmission. An acquaintance at work was moving, and needed to get rid of it, so he sold it to me for the low, low price of five hundred dollars. I didn’t care enough about it as a vehicle per
- [It's Not Her Fault](https://soberandunashamed.com/its-not-her-fault/) - The most temporarily effective thing my wife and I tried to help us get along during my alcoholism was simple: Be nice. I describe this plan as temporarily effective because while it created moments of peace in our house more successfully than anything else we tried for the ten years of my active addiction, it
- [Gifts](https://soberandunashamed.com/gifts/) - It’s Christmas, and a stranger, not much older than me, comes to the door to ask for help. I’m lucky, and I know it, especially at Christmas. It’s not just the presents, although there are always plenty of those. I live at the local nexus of two big families, and with Christmas comes the
- [The Ghosts of Christmas Past](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-ghosts-of-christmas-past/) - Just because I no longer drink doesn’t mean I am free. This will be my fifth consecutive sober Christmas, and I still wear the chains I forged in my drinking life. They are lighter now. They no longer define me, nor do they prevent me from living the holiday season with a joyful heart. But
- [Detonate](https://soberandunashamed.com/detonate/) - There is a crack, a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in. Leonard Cohen, “Anthem” That Saturday morning, you wake up early and sneak down two sets of stairs. The basement's not yours. You don't want to get caught catching him. You probably don’t have to be quiet, though, since he’s
- [Tainted Love](https://soberandunashamed.com/tainted-love/) - This is a family week, if such a thing exists. In the United States, Thanksgiving marks time spent with, or at the very least thoughts about, family. Joyous times. Painful times. Sober thoughts. Intoxicated memories. Family is complicated. The grip they have on our emotions comes and goes, often in correlation to our geographical proximity.
- [Thanksgivings](https://soberandunashamed.com/thanksgivings/) - Grief is an amputation, but hope is an incurable hemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed. David Mitchell Slade House Author’s Note: This is the very first piece I wrote for the Echoes of Recovery group, by way of introduction. The prompt was: How are you preparing for Thanksgiving? I'm preparing by remembering.
- [He's Not to Blame](https://soberandunashamed.com/hes-not-to-blame/) - I’ve always known he did his best. That was never in question. For many years now, however, I wallowed in my belief that his best wasn’t good enough - that he should have done more and known better. But time, when combined with an open mind and considerable reflection and contemplation, is a powerful potion
- [How Would I Know?](https://soberandunashamed.com/how-would-i-know/) - Tell everybody waiting for Superman That they should try to hold on the best they can He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything It's just too heavy for Superman to lift. The Flaming Lips, “Waiting for Superman” “Barbara? Barbara…” Someone is saying my name. Or so it seems. It also seems like
- [Making Progress: Exorcizing the Demon](https://soberandunashamed.com/making-progress-exorcizing-the-demon/) - October is scary movie season for me. While watching The Exorcist a couple of weeks ago, it struck me how far we have come in the treatment of mental illness. The movie was made in 1973, and having the possessed girl talk to a psychiatrist was the absolute last resort. Psychiatrists were seen as kooks.
- [Gather Up the Pieces](https://soberandunashamed.com/gather-up-the-pieces/) - In a place that’s far away from everything and also at the center of the universe, a shaft of light streams through the pines and maples overhead. The maple leaves are finally turning, starting at the tips furthest from the stems, glowing autumn fire bleeding into still summer green. The beam spills through to the
- [The Shameful Truth of an Alcoholic Fatherhood](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-shameful-truth-of-an-alcoholic-fatherhood/) - I was shocked when he said it. Not only did he admit to letting his drinking get in the way of spending time with his children, but even when he was actively engaged with his kids, he didn’t enjoy it. He wanted to be somewhere else. The connection with his own flesh and blood was
- [The Key](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-key/) - At quarter past nine last Saturday night, there was a knock on my front door. There’s a vanishingly short list of people who could call me after 8 p.m. any day of the week and not get my voicemail, whether I’m there or not (I probably am), whether I’m busy or not (I’m probably
- [Escape](https://soberandunashamed.com/escape/) - I was seventeen, back in that long ago when you could stand with your whole family at the terminal gate as you waited to board your flight. So there the four of us were, shifting uncomfortably on our feet, staying together until the last available moment. A group of Canadians walked by, speaking their specialized
- [The Stealthy Maneuvering of an Alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-stealthy-maneuvering-of-an-alcoholic/) - As a prolific drinker, I confused politeness and stigmatized silence for concealment. Maybe it was my ego. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe my internal shame was all I could handle, and considering the truth about what my friends and family observed would have killed me from embarrassment. Whatever the reason, I actually thought most
- [Schism](https://soberandunashamed.com/schism/) - “I’m gonna buy a gun.” There were few worse sentences John could have slurred into the phone, his voice broken down into bits and pinging across six hundred miles worth of cell towers before reassembling itself in my horrified ear. “No, you’re not.” There were few sure things in that moment, with
- [The Naked Truth about what Sheri Likes](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-naked-truth-about-what-sheri-likes/) - I was naked before the hotel-room door closed behind me. I love the rare occasions when we are behind the locked door of a hotel room - just me and my wife, Sheri. No kids. No neighbors. No one who hasn’t seen me naked more times than she’d like. I threw back the shades and
- [Widow Envy](https://soberandunashamed.com/widow-envy/) - I’m not exactly sure when my husband died, and neither is he. He thinks it might have been during the surgery. “Sometimes I feel like I died on that table, and I woke up a brand-new baby. I had no idea who I even was.” I’m standing in his room, while he lies there,
- [Alone in the Crowd](https://soberandunashamed.com/alone-in-the-crowd/) - If you think reading about the impact of alcohol and recovery is therapeutic, you should try writing about it. If you are battling a compulsion to drink, or if you are the loved one of a heavy drinker, you are probably protecting a closely guarded secret. It is the kind of secret that will
- [Midnight, the Stars and You](https://soberandunashamed.com/midnight-the-stars-and-you/) - He texts, and I respond, most of the time. But I never initiate, unless a misaddressed package or piece of mail has come for him. I let him know I’ve got it, and ask what good times are to bring it over, because I don’t want him to come here, and I won’t show
- [Alcoholic Denial](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholic-denial/) - If you’ve been lied to by an alcoholic, don’t take it personally. Denial is the cornerstone of the disease. And believe me, no one is getting lied to by an alcoholic more than the alcoholic himself. We don’t want to do it. It is not in our DNA. It is not a sign of spiritual
- [The Unmade Bed](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-unmade-bed/) - She… bid farewell to her family with one ecstatic wave Out the window as the car rolled away She just vanished into a thick mist Of change Bright Eyes, “Hot Knives” I don’t get depressed. I have people in my life who do. Very badly. People I love. People I used to love.
- [Alcoholism is a Sign of Greatness](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholism-is-a-sign-of-greatness/) - Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe by shrouding in shame people who become addicted to the soothing properties of alcohol, we are stifling potential and ignoring the greatness hiding in plain sight. Maybe as we look away in disgust and disapproval, we are emboldening the stigma. As alcoholics, maybe our own behavior
- [5 Times My Husband's Substance Abuse Counselor Was Wrong (And 1 Time She Was Right)](https://soberandunashamed.com/5-times-my-husbands-substance-abuse-counselor-was-wrong-and-1-time-she-was-right/) - When you need help, really need help, you'll take it wherever you can get it. It had been almost two months since our initial visit with the transplant team, when they’d unexpectedly advised us that a liver transplant was not just the next step, but the only remaining step available. John had subsequently, spectacularly,
- ["Authenticity is My Superpower"](https://soberandunashamed.com/authenticity-is-my-superpower/) - I'm not just looking for the cure to addiction. I'm looking for the solution to the pain of the human condition. That is what I am researching, and when I find clues, I am eager to share them. So when I heard a fellow writer in a story-writing group read about the power of authenticity,
- [Fictional Characters](https://soberandunashamed.com/fictional-characters/) - We were talking about parts of my childhood when my therapist said, almost wistfully, "It sounds very lonely." There was a long quiet spot in the conversation while I thought about that. Lonely? Me? Surely she was mistaken. I had a family. I had friends. I liked being alone, even as a kid.
- [The Opposite of Addiction is NOT Connection](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-opposite-of-addiction-is-not-connection/) - “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety.” When journalist Johann Hari made that statement as part of the conclusion of his TED Talk in 2015, I didn’t disagree with him. I mostly didn’t disagree with him because I was still drinking in 2015 and didn’t give a shit about a speech titled, “Everything You Think
- [Our House of Scars](https://soberandunashamed.com/our-house-of-scars/) - "But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever." - Haruki Murakami There’s light at the top of the stairs. (It was never light before. His door was closed, his window shut, his blinds drawn against people, sun, wind and stars. It was always dark at the top of the stairs.) So
- [The Link between Flat Earthers and Alcohol Drinkers](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-link-between-flat-earthers-and-alcohol-drinkers/) - Flat Earthers and alcohol drinkers have one thing in common. They deny the truth in the face of mounting evidence (I could add people who believe the 2020 presidential election was stolen to this category, but I don’t want to get political, because Trumpsters drink alcohol, too). I wasn’t hanging around Greece in 500
- [The Intimacy Illusion](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-intimacy-illusion/) - I want to talk about intimacy. When I say “want to,” I actually mean “would prefer to pull my own toenails out with pliers than.” Why would anyone ever want to talk about intimacy? After all, the best thing about the dreams in which you suddenly realize you’re naked in public is waking up
- [Sobriety: Punishment or Potential?](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-punishment-or-potential/) - I occasionally get lured into an argument about the disease designation of alcoholism. People like me believe addiction is a disease for two reasons. First, just like cancer negatively impacts our cellular makeup (biology) and can kill us if left untreated, alcoholism changes our neurotransmitter function (neurology) and can kill us if left untreated. Second,
- [Rejection](https://soberandunashamed.com/rejection/) - June 22, 2019, dawns beautiful, clear and bright in our corner of the Mid-Atlantic, calling to mind the day of our wedding twelve years before. The second half of those dozen circuits around the sun have been hard. Today, we’re barely seven months post-transplant. My single liver we now share between the two of us,
- [The Drinker Returns from Rehab: Now What?](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-drinker-returns-from-rehab-now-what/) - A little over two years into my sobriety, I chaperoned a week-long church youth mission trip to a Native American reservation. We fed a huge bison, built a fence, learned about the culture, and met a lot of interesting people (side note - if you want to see the impact of terrible government policy resulting
- [The Cost of a Perfect Wedding](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-cost-of-a-perfect-wedding/) - June 22, 2007, dawned beautiful, clear and bright in our corner of the Mid-Atlantic. A perfect day for a little bit of a sail. A perfect day for a little bit of a wedding. John and I had been living together for most of a decade. We’d always made a big deal about the
- [Who's to Blame?: The Ownership Conundrum](https://soberandunashamed.com/whos-to-blame-the-ownership-conundrum/) - There is no better indication of strength, integrity and intelligence than a person who owns his mistakes and takes responsibility for corrective action. It's why I prefer stand-up comedians to politicians. I'd take Stephen Colbert or Dennis Miller for president over any denying or deflecting boob who actually squirms his way into the job.
- [The Prompt](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-prompt/) - Lately I’m seeing, from a social distance, conversations about our potentially post-pandemic summer that can be summed up as: It’s going to be Sodom and Gomorrah out there. If you can’t get laid this summer, just hang it up. Meanwhile, six months post-divorce, my reflexive gag is that not only am I not dating, not
- [Sobriety Takes Away the Only Fun We Know](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-takes-away-the-only-fun-we-know/) - When you walk through the gates at DisneyLand, no one has to tell you what you are there to do. You are there to have fun! The same holds true for attending a college or professional sporting event, going to a concert, or clicking into your bindings for a day of skiing. No one goes
- [Hope, Recognized](https://soberandunashamed.com/hope-recognized/) - Hope terrified me at the first sight of it. It froze me in my tracks, right there in the basement, the laundry basket on my hip. I’d done everything I could to end it. I’d gotten the lawyer, gotten the agreements, and refinanced the house. I’d untethered phones, cable, and internet. I’d started in
- [Willing and Wanting are Two Different Things](https://soberandunashamed.com/willing-and-wanting-are-two-different-things/)
- [Suicides of Different Speeds](https://soberandunashamed.com/suicides-of-different-speeds/)
- [The 5 Reasons We Don't Know Sobriety is Better](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-5-reasons-we-dont-know-sobriety-is-better/)
- [The Angry Ghost that Lives in the Walls](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-angry-ghost-that-lives-in-the-walls/)
- [My Name is Victoria, and I'm an Alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-name-is-victoria-and-im-an-alcoholic/)
- [Changing the Name Only Fuels the Stigma](https://soberandunashamed.com/changing-the-name-only-fuels-the-stigma/) - Words matter because the way we use them matters. When we assign to words painful, intentionally hurtful associations, we take perfectly good words, and drown them in stigma. When we use words as weapons, people will do everything they can to distance themselves. Denial prevents healing. When we reject the words because they have beenWords matter because the way we use them matters. When we assign to words painful, intentionally hurtful associations, we take perfectly good words, and drown them in stigma. When we use words as weapons, people will do everything they can to distance themselves. Denial prevents healing. When we reject the words because they have been
- [Introducing Barbara's Voice](https://soberandunashamed.com/introducing-barbaras-voice/)
- [Top Ten Rules to Control Our Alcohol Consumption](https://soberandunashamed.com/top-ten-rules-to-control-our-alcohol-consumption/)
- [Patience: Not just a Skill, a Destination](https://soberandunashamed.com/patience-not-just-a-skill-a-destination/)
- [Should We have Died? The House Fire Sobriety Extinguished](https://soberandunashamed.com/should-we-have-died-the-house-fire-sobriety-extinguished/) - Sobriety did not just save my life through long-term better health and reduction in anxiety and depression. Sobriety stopped my deadly alcoholic behavior.
- [How did Our Alcoholic Marriage get this Great?](https://soberandunashamed.com/how-did-our-alcoholic-marriage-get-this-great/) - I have hesitated for months to write about how great our marriage has become. For those in a relationship drowning in alcoholism, it is hard to get here from there.
- [Be Bold and Give the Truth this Holiday](https://soberandunashamed.com/be-bold-and-give-the-truth-this-holiday/) - We can't change people, but we can give them a nudge and point them toward the truth. Give the heavy drinker in your life the book that might change your lives.
- [All by Myself: My Theme Song of Disaster](https://soberandunashamed.com/all-by-myself-my-theme-song-of-disaster/) - Connection is so important in recovery from alcoholism. Connection is recovery. Without community, all you've got is a sober incarceration of white knuckling.
- [It's the Perfect Time to Relapse](https://soberandunashamed.com/its-the-perfect-time-to-relapse/) - The holidays, with a contentious election jammed in, makes this is particularly risky time. But flip the script, and consider what sobriety now means long term.
- [I could only wait so long...](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-could-only-wait-so-long/) - The emotional and painful words of a friend who is hiding behind the shield of anonymity because it is required to protect her and her children from harm.
- [Thinking or Drinking](https://soberandunashamed.com/thinking-or-drinking/) - Living in the present, rather than with regret from the past or a fixation on the future, is hard enough sober. Alcohol and peace in the moment don't mix.
- [Two Sides to the Same Alcoholic Story](https://soberandunashamed.com/two-sides-to-the-same-alcoholic-story/) - For him, it was over. He was ready to move on. He hoped he'd healed enough. For her, it would never be enough. She could never move on. It would never be over.
- [Jane's Story...from Deep In It](https://soberandunashamed.com/janes-story-from-deep-in-it/)
- [Soberer](https://soberandunashamed.com/soberer/) - The soberevolution is about changing the message. It is not about recovering from the glamor of alcohol abuse. it is about the glamour of not abusing alcohol.
- [It's Not Underlying Causes. It's the Alcohol.](https://soberandunashamed.com/its-not-underlying-causes-its-the-alcohol/) - Underlying issues don't cause lung cancer, & they don't cause obesity. Cigarettes and sugar do. We look too hard for the cause of alcoholism. It's the alcohol.
- [It isn't about Us: THEY deserve the soberevolution](https://soberandunashamed.com/it-isnt-about-us-they-deserve-the-soberevolution/) - This is about crushing the stigma of alcoholism, and ending the cycles in families and society passed down through generations. Alcohol is not the answer.
- [Evolving into Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/evolving-into-sobriety/) - I used to think sobriety was all about determination and willpower. Then I learned about brain chemistry, nutrition, patience, emotions and recovering out loud.
- [I Couldn't Hear Until I Learned to Listen](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-couldnt-hear-until-i-learned-to-listen/) - When alcohol was my top priority, I couldn\'t hear the needs and desires of my wife because my unquenchable thirst drowned them out. Now I listen, and now I hear.
- [The Nightmare of Trying to Escape the Monster](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-nightmare-of-trying-to-escape-the-monster/) - My alcoholism recovery wasn\'t about spirituality, it was about finding the time to heal using a science-based approach to addiction and sobriety. Patience.
- [Sips and Giggles](https://soberandunashamed.com/sips-and-giggles/) - Hey Denver! You are invited to our soberevolution Sips and Giggles event on August 20, 2020. Stand-up comedy, art, delicious appetizers and hand-crafted mocktails.
- [Confirmation Bias: This Is Why Your Sobriety Won't Stick](https://soberandunashamed.com/confirmation-bias-this-is-why-your-sobriety-wont-stick/) - Alcoholism is about a lot more than physical or psychological addiction. There is a world of people trying to convince you of the importance of alcohol.
- [Positive Proof of why Traditional Recovery Methods Fail](https://soberandunashamed.com/positive-proof-of-why-traditional-recovery-methods-fail/) - Double negatives are not nearly as effective as positives. Do you want to stop doing something bad, or celebrate the enlightenment of living your best life?
- [It isn't Best to be the Last One Laughing when the Joke isn't Funny to Begin With](https://soberandunashamed.com/it-isnt-best-to-be-the-last-one-laughing-when-the-joke-isnt-funny-to-begin-with/) - As millions travel down the slippery slope of pandemic day drinking, the social media jokes aren\'t getting any funnier.
- [I'm Ready for In-Person Connection: Is it Time?](https://soberandunashamed.com/im-ready-for-in-person-connection-is-it-time/) - The COVID-19 pandemic isn\'t just about the virus. A devastated economy and the mental-health crisis of isolation are also huge, deadly threats. How do we balance?
- [The Stages of Alcoholism: From 3rd Butt Cheek to Manicured Eyebrows](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-stages-of-alcoholism-from-3rd-butt-cheek-to-manicured-eyebrows/) - Alcoholism doesn\'t start with addiction, nor does it end with sobriety. It is a progressive disease, and I continue to make impressive progress.
- [The Truth Is, I Could Drink Alcohol Again](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-truth-is-i-could-drink-alcohol-again/) - Alcoholism recovery doesn\'t remove cravings and temptation from alcohol. For me, sobriety makes clear that if I drink again, I\'ll be all in. That\'s my painful truth.
- [Live Every Week like Shark Week](https://soberandunashamed.com/live-every-week-like-shark-week/) - We spend too much time swimming around in our own heads. Let\'s attack the future like hungry sharks full of sober potential.
- [There's Something Better than Being Unashamed](https://soberandunashamed.com/theres-something-better-than-being-unashamed/) - First, I was ashamed of my active high-functioning alcoholism. Then, I was ashamed to be sober in an alcohol-soaked world. Now, I\'m proud of the sober evolution I\'ve experienced.
- [Friendships Lost in Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/friendships-lost-in-recovery/) - Sobriety changes everything, and friendships to good people are often lost in the process. The benefits of sobriety are great, but there is loss.
- [Shame from Innocence: The Curse of the Stigma](https://soberandunashamed.com/shame-from-innocence-the-curse-of-the-stigma/) - Sometimes, often really, bad things are born from the innocence of youth. I didn\'t set out to destroy my life. My alcoholism just sort of happened.
- [Three Keys to Socializing Sober - And Loving It!](https://soberandunashamed.com/three-keys-to-socializing-sober-and-loving-it/) - Socializing sober is neither boring nor tempting. You\'ve just got to know how to do it, and I\'ve got three can\'t miss tips for you!
- [The Loneliness of Loving an Alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-loneliness-of-loving-an-alcoholic/) - Loving a high-functioning alcoholic is isolating, and the silence perpetuates the disease. It feels like there is no way out. If you are picking up what I'm laying down, we want to connect with you, because connection is recovery.
- [Guilt Spiral: Why Harm Reduction is Dangerous](https://soberandunashamed.com/guilt-spiral-why-harm-reduction-is-dangerous/) - The relapse for an alcoholic doesn't start with the first drink. It starts with the various ways we try to avoid, rather than address, pain. Relapse isn't about lack of willpower. It's about an inability to find or deal with the source of our turmoil.
- [Priorities of an Alcoholic Relationship](https://soberandunashamed.com/priorities-of-an-alcoholic-relationship/) - First, my active alcoholism took all the oxygen in the room. Then, the spotlight was fixed on my sobriety. Now, finally, my wife's recovery is the top priority. It isn't just an accessory, or a luxury. It's necessary for survival.
- [Sober People are Losers!](https://soberandunashamed.com/sober-people-are-losers/) - I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I thought sober people were losers when I drank. But I kept this opinion in my sobriety, too. I couldn't imagine finding anyone worth getting to know who shared my pathetic diagnosis.
- [The Spectrum of Addiction: You can Ignore it, but it Won't Go Away](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-spectrum-of-addiction-you-can-ignore-it-but-it-wont-go-away/) - When I was a drinker, I felt in control of my life. Now that I'm sober, I have to get comfortable with the unknown. Confused? Where are you on the spectrum?
- [Shake Off the Asshole: 7 Vital Changes in Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/shake-off-the-asshole-7-vital-changes-in-sobriety/) - In early sobriety, I explained to my wife that we needed to blame the disease of alcoholism for all of our pain and trauma. She was pretty comfortable with leaving the blame right where it was, and she had 7 good reasons.
- [Echoes of Recovery: Help for Loved Ones of Alcoholics](https://soberandunashamed.com/echoes-of-recovery-help-for-loved-ones-of-alcoholics/) - Recovery isn't just for alcoholics. The loved ones of alcoholics and heavy drinkers deserve to heal from the damage of alcoholism, too. Echoes of Recovery is for loved ones.
- [Pandemic Public Policy Proves Alcohol Dependence is the True Epidemic](https://soberandunashamed.com/pandemic-public-policy-proves-alcohol-dependence-is-the-true-epidemic/) - Government threatens to close liquor stores as non-essential, and crowds jam together to buy booze before it is too late. This public policy displays the true epidemic.
- [Collateral Damage: Isolation makes Drinkers Thirsty](https://soberandunashamed.com/collateral-damage-isolation-makes-drinkers-thirsty/) - Fighting coronavirus means the elimination of a lot of essential services. The WHO estimates over 3 million people die each year from alcohol related causes, and we just eliminated the biggest weapon in the battle against alcoholism.
- [Sobriety is Easy: Just Add Anchors](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-is-easy-just-add-anchors/) - It would be easier for me to breathe in outer space or to compete in the Olympics at age 47 than to ever drink alcohol again. Anchoring my sobriety makes not drinking so much easier.
- [Want to be Wherever You Are](https://soberandunashamed.com/want-to-be-wherever-you-are/) - When we make alcohol a priority, by definition, we choose drinking over the things we know should be the most important. You don't have to be an alcoholic to let alcohol leave you with a lifetime of regretted choices.
- [You Can't Get There from Here](https://soberandunashamed.com/you-cant-get-there-from-here/) - We are growing from birth to death, but sometimes something gets in the way of our own personal human evolution. We become stuck, and the road home is impassable.
- [Alcoholism is Hilarious](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholism-is-hilarious/) - Maybe alcoholism isn't funny, but humor has a super-power to help us address all of our taboo subjects and expose our vulnerability in a very healing way.
- [The Secret that's Killing Us](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-secret-thats-killing-us/) - The World Health Organization attributes over three million deaths per year to alcohol, and now we know the secret reason so many are dying from this solvable epidemic.
- [7 Benefits of Transformational Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/7-benefits-of-transformational-sobriety/) - This isn't about rainbows and unicorns. It's about the life-changing benefits of permanent sobriety. I had no idea how transformational abstaining could be!
- [This is My Journal. This is My Darkness.](https://soberandunashamed.com/this-is-my-journal-this-is-my-darkness/) - Most people journal in private. I share my pain openly because when we absorb each other's challenges, they don't hurt as much.
- [Relationship Recovery: From Lonely Ocean Breeze to Butt Snuzzle](https://soberandunashamed.com/relationship-recovery-from-lonely-ocean-breeze-to-butt-snuzzle/) - Sobriety doesn't fix anything in a relationship trying to recover from alcoholism. Sobriety peels back the denials and deceit, and leaves exposed wounds to fester.
- [Take a Closer Look: What could this Mean to Your Relationship?](https://soberandunashamed.com/take-a-closer-look-what-could-this-mean-to-your-relationship/) - The setting is a cabin on a Rocky Mountain lake. The topic is recovery from alcoholism for the drinker and the spouse. Addiction nutrition and relationship topics.
- [The Link between Alcohol and Survival, and My Costanza Moment of Truth](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-link-between-alcohol-and-survival-and-my-costanza-moment-of-truth/) - When we drink consistently for a significant number of years, our brains associate alcohol with survival. Breaking that link takes a lot of time and effort.
- [The Momentum of Sobriety, and the Sobriety of Momentum](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-momentum-of-sobriety-and-the-sobriety-of-momentum/) - Why does well-earned relaxation feel so uncomfortable? I'm not sure why I'm uneasy in downtime, but I'm sure that uneasiness is one of the main reasons I drank.
- [How do I Identify a High-Functioning Drinking Problem?](https://soberandunashamed.com/how-do-i-identify-a-high-functioning-drinking-problem/) - Help someone you love who might have a problem with alcohol. Send them my free Drinking Status Survey. Here are tips on broaching this very sensitive subject.
- [Twas the Day after Christmas, and the Relapse Threat got Real](https://soberandunashamed.com/twas-the-day-after-christmas-and-the-relapse-threat-got-real/) - Christmas might be over, but the threat for relapse for those in early sobriety from alcoholism elevates dramatically this week. Like most things with alcoholism, the threat is counterintuitive.
- [The Hidden Pain of Selfish Alcoholic Christmases](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-hidden-pain-of-selfish-alcoholic-christmases/) - The morning after overdrinking, we always think of embarrassing things we might have done or said. But we rarely think of the hidden pain our deceitful lives cause.
- [Merry without Misery: The Lessons of Christmases Past](https://soberandunashamed.com/merry-without-misery-the-lessons-of-christmases-past/) - People think the holidays are a bad time to quit drinking, but you are going to have to go through your first sober Christmas sometime. Your future Christmases depend on your sobriety this year.
- [Sobriety Doesn't Suck: Your Tribe is Waiting for You](https://soberandunashamed.com/sobriety-doesnt-suck-your-tribe-is-waiting-for-you/) - As a drinker, I felt a strong connection to my fellow drinkers. In sobriety, I still had the same friends and family, and I felt like an outcast. If this describes you, it's time to find a new tribe.
- [Straddling the Divide of Middle Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/straddling-the-divide-of-middle-sobriety/) - Somewhere between hopelessness and confidence lies the middle ground of early sobriety. You're making progress and you know it will get better, but when you're muddled in the impatience of gradual progress, sometimes it feels easier to fall back than to push forward. This is a dangerous place.
- [My Spirituality is Important, But It's Not My Cure](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-spirituality-is-important-but-its-not-my-cure/) - I\'m a very spiritual person, but I treat alcoholism like the disease it is and attack it with science and connection. It is not just a spiritual issue.
- [If You Don't Want It Bad, Don't Bother](https://soberandunashamed.com/if-you-dont-want-it-bad-dont-bother/) - If you\'re not sure, you\'re not ready. Alcoholism is a daunting beast. Conquering it requires unimaginable persistence. Sobriety isn\'t a curse. It\'s a blessing. And you\'ve got to want it bad.
- [He's Sober. Now What? A Spouse's Guide to Alcoholism Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/hes-sober-now-what-a-spouses-guide-to-alcoholism-recovery/) - Recovering my marriage in sobriety from alcoholism was our greatest challenge. Read our free ebook: He\'s Sober. Now What? A Spouse\'s Guide to Alcoholism Recovery.
- [I Have Faith (But I'm Open to Alternatives)](https://soberandunashamed.com/i-have-faith-but-im-open-to-alternatives/) - I don\'t believe alcoholism is a spiritual problem. I believe being human is a spiritual problem, and drinking too much is one of the many ways we get in our own way.
- [All the Days at a Time: Why AA Needs Disbelievers Like Me](https://soberandunashamed.com/all-the-days-at-a-time-why-aa-needs-disbelievers-like-me/) - I hate the dogma, One Day at a Time. But I understand it and appreciate its value. I encourage those who believe to encourage me, too.
- [3 Reasons Relapses Aren't OK](https://soberandunashamed.com/3-reasons-relapses-arent-ok/) - In alcoholism recovery, a relapse isn\'t failure. You haven\'t failed unless you quit trying. But there are three really good reasons to avoid relapses on your way to permanent sobriety.
- [Authenticity Doesn't Pay](https://soberandunashamed.com/authenticity-doesnt-pay/) - Success comes from turning a want into an urgent need. There is no room for authenticity in that equation. Time is running out on my authentic self
- [#1 Barrier to Permanent Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/1-barrier-to-permanent-sobriety/) - We think we can live our old life just without a drink in our hand. That\'s not how sobriety works. Most people lack the patience to heal. It\'s as simple as it is perplexing.
- [Speaking Out: Our Kids Deserve to Know](https://soberandunashamed.com/speaking-out-our-kids-deserve-to-know/) - Kids listen even when they act fearless. When it comes to alcohol, no one is talking to our teens. But I am talking. I want to try to reach your kids if you\'ll give me a chance.
- [Marijuana: The Cure for Alcoholism?](https://soberandunashamed.com/marijuana-the-cure-for-alcoholism/) - Is marijuana the cure for alcoholism? Smokers are less angry than drinkers, and weed soothes the temptations for booze. But can our brains use one toxin to heal from a different poison? What about the benefits of harm reduction?
- [Patiently Growing Sobriety Muscles](https://soberandunashamed.com/patiently-growing-sobriety-muscles/) - We spend years, even decades, developing our relationship with alcohol. When we decide to get sober, we expect a fast cure. Alcoholism doesn\'t work like that.
- [Alcoholism Recovery: We're All in this Together](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholism-recovery-were-all-in-this-together/) - I used to think sobriety was about determination and willpower. I was dead wrong. I want to share the lessons of my permanent sobriety. If you\'ve made it out, too, I hope you\'ll help me.
- [Normalizing the Gray Area of Alcoholism](https://soberandunashamed.com/normalizing-the-gray-area-of-alcoholism/) - All couples argue. It is natural and healthy. But there is nothing natural nor healthy about the way couples argue when in an alcohol-fueled relationship.
- [Grandeur of Insignificance](https://soberandunashamed.com/grandeur-of-insignificance/) - Perspective is a Grand (Canyon) thing. Understanding the insignificance of my actions is a form of freedom. It is also incentive to do what I need to do without concern for the reactions of others.
- [Shame of the Second-Hand Drinker](https://soberandunashamed.com/shame-of-the-second-hand-drinker/) - I drank away our innocence. Now, my wife is filled with shame & guilt from my alcoholism. Sound ridiculous? I thought it was, until I found a way to understand.
- [Loneliness of Alcoholism](https://soberandunashamed.com/loneliness-of-alcoholism/) - Even now that I have moved past the shame of sobriety, I miss out on the connection and bonding of drinking together. It is isolating and lonely, but it carries with it a benefit, if only I'm willing to look for it. Please click the blog and see what I mean.
- [Sheri's Story, Part 2: Recovering Our Marriage](https://soberandunashamed.com/sheris-story-part-2-recovering-our-marriage/) - When it comes to an alcoholic marriage, sobriety is the easy part. Rebuilding trust and love from years of damage and deceit requires relentless patience and tireless effort. Hear my wife, Sheri, tell her side of the story as we work to recover our marriage from addiction.
- [The #1 Reason Traditional Addiction Recovery Programs Fail](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-1-reason-traditional-addiction-recovery-programs-fail/) - Traditional addiction recovery programs have dismal success rates. While recording Ep4 of our Untoxicated Podcast, I had an epiphany about my alcoholism and what's largely missing from treatment.
- [The Stark Contrast Between Alcoholism and Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-stark-contrast-between-alcoholism-and-sobriety/) - As a drinker, I had exciting, even glamorous moments of euphoria. But drinking had unfortunate baggage. The contrast with my life now is stark. Sobriety isn't unicorns and rainbows, but the boring, steady peace and progress is simply better.
- [Alcoholic Fraud](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholic-fraud/) - I was ashamed that I drank more than I wanted to drink. But I was also ashamed to seek treatment when I didn't drink as much as serious alcoholics. I was a fraud, and I was hopelessly stuck in the middle.
- [The Three Reasons I'm an Alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-three-reasons-im-an-alcoholic/) - We alcoholics abuse booze in an effort to medicate from previous trauma, right? But what if there is no trauma? Then what's to blame for our disease? Here are 3 causes for my addiction to alcohol.
- [Summer: Season of Ignorance, Elixir and Longing](https://soberandunashamed.com/summer-season-of-ignorance-elixir-and-longing/) - Memorial Weekend means summer, and summer brings memories of drinking in the sun. I'm too far into recovery for temptation, but longing and loneliness will never go away.
- [SHOUT Sobriety: As American as Blueberry Pie](https://soberandunashamed.com/shout-sobriety-as-american-as-blueberry-pie/) - Alcoholism is a mental health crisis, so we had better come at it with as many alternative methods of recovery as possible. That's why I've been surprised to have been told three times that my opinions are going to kill someone.
- [Sheri's Story: My Wife Speaks about our Alcoholic Marriage](https://soberandunashamed.com/sheris-story-my-wife-speaks-about-our-alcoholic-marriage/) - Marriage to an alcoholic feels like holding on for dear life. In this heartbreaking episode of the Untoxicated Podcast, listen to my wife tell her story of falling out of love and surviving against the odds.
- [Drinking Alcohol to Relax: The Big Anxious Lie](https://soberandunashamed.com/drinking-alcohol-to-relax-the-big-anxious-lie/) - We have a widespread anxiety emergency in America. We drink alcohol to relax, but we don't understand that alcohol is what causes our worry and paranoia. Rather than eliminate the source of our anxiety, we medicate it. That's the American way. So is ignoring the collateral damage of our national beverages.
- [The Uncontrollability of Alcoholism Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-uncontrollability-of-alcoholism-recovery/) - Take alcohol from an alcoholic, and depression and relationships begin to slowly improve (through hard work and patience). But without alcohol, the alcoholic loses control, too.
- [Building a Community around Alcohol(ism)](https://soberandunashamed.com/building-a-community-around-alcoholism/) - I used to build community around drinking alcohol. Now my community is full of alcohol survivors. Let's beat the dismal success rate of traditional recovery programs. Let's take my draft, and build a better mousetrap together.
- [Hugging a Cactus: Loving and Helping an Alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/hugging-a-cactus-loving-and-helping-an-alcoholic/) - Loving an alcoholic is the most hopeless and helpless of feelings. Your instincts will only make things worse. It takes a counterintuitive kind of love.
- [Gambling on Alcohol Against All Odds](https://soberandunashamed.com/gambling-on-alcohol-against-all-odds/) - One ill-fated weekend of drunken gambling cost me more than a lot of money. I lost the trust of my fiance. I couldn't see that alcohol caused all my problems that weekend. Alcohol was were the fun was.
- [The Cure for High-Functioning Alcoholism](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-cure-for-high-functioning-alcoholism/) - What do you get when you combine optimism with ignorance and a cunning high-functioning alcoholic? A addict killing himself while we all smile and laugh and drink ice-cold beer.
- [Healing](https://soberandunashamed.com/healing/) - Healing requires honesty, humility and vulnerability. See how my readers and I are healing together.
- [Connection is the Opposite of Addiction](https://soberandunashamed.com/connection-is-the-opposite-of-addiction/) - The relationships we developed at our "Mom and Pop" business are important to me. Last week, I learned how important they are to our neighbors.
- [Where Does God Fit into My Recovery from Alcoholism?](https://soberandunashamed.com/where-does-god-fit-into-my-recovery-from-alcoholism/) - I don't believe God wants me to let go and let Him take charge of my recovery from alcoholism. What could I do when I knew I was in trouble, but I rejected AA's mantra?
- [Hear How Sobriety Can Result in Divorce](https://soberandunashamed.com/hear-how-sobriety-can-result-in-divorce/) - Alcoholism is horribly devastating. But sometimes it's sobriety that destroys a marriage. In Untoxicated Podcast Ep5, we interview my good friend, Simone, and hear her brave tale of addiction recovery. She's getting better, but her hard work wasn't enough to save her marriage.
- [If You Drink, You Might Miss It](https://soberandunashamed.com/if-you-drink-you-might-miss-it/) - I expected big, important things to change when I committed to recovery from alcoholism. What has been really astonishing is this subtle, but profound, impact I never anticipated from sobriety.
- [Can Trust Overcome Tragedy?](https://soberandunashamed.com/can-trust-overcome-tragedy/) - People think alcoholism is about selfishly getting drunk. In reality, addiction is about anxiety and fear that makes trust impossible. And without trust, there can be no love.
- [Alcoholic Anonymity Kills](https://soberandunashamed.com/alcoholic-anonymity-kills/) - Cancer is widespread and deadly. Alcoholism is a more prolific killer, but we let it hide and fester in the shadows of anonymity. If you're not talking about addiction, the death toll is your fault.
- [Fixing Christmas](https://soberandunashamed.com/fixing-christmas/) - Another long, cold, dark January awaits. Do we feel bad when Christmas is over because it is over, or is there something more to the winter blues. I think it is because the way we do Christmas is broken.
- [When Love and Alcohol Can't Coexist](https://soberandunashamed.com/when-love-and-alcohol-cant-coexist/) - This was more than everyday stress. This was a major disaster. As an alcoholic in recovery, I couldn't medicate the pain. Sometimes, sobriety hurts like hell.
- [Untoxicated Podcast Ep3: My Story](https://soberandunashamed.com/untoxicated-podcast-ep3-my-story/) - It was a long road from sips of my dad\'s beer as a child to soul-crushing alcoholism. It\'s a road traveled by millions. See if any of it resonates with you or reminds you of someone you love.
- [Time Wasted Wasted](https://soberandunashamed.com/time-wasted-wasted/) - Alcohol is not just a danger to an alcoholic. Behavior we accept as normal leads to a life of unfulfilled mediocrity. I should know. I wasted a lot of time.
- [Why the Holidays are the Best Time to Quit Drinking](https://soberandunashamed.com/why-the-holidays-are-the-best-time-to-quit-drinking/) - Parties and neighborhood gatherings and work festivities - all with free-flowing booze. Alcohol is unavoidable in December. And that is exactly why the holidays are the best time to quit drinking.
- [Introducing The Untoxicated Podcast](https://soberandunashamed.com/introducing-the-untoxicated-podcast/) - Introducing The Untoxicated Podcast - Addiction is an epidemic and recovery is astonishingly complex. Let\'s end the stigma. Let\'s talk about it.
- [Back in the Pit of Alcohol-Induced Depression](https://soberandunashamed.com/back-in-the-pit-of-alcohol-induced-depression/) - Life in recovery is much better, but there is permanent damage to my brain function resulting from my alcoholism. This is the key to understanding addiction.
- [Photographic Hauntings](https://soberandunashamed.com/photographic-hauntings/) - I drank heavily on Halloween night because I deserved it. I was a good father and I worked hard. I wanted my adult liquid candy. When has Halloween really been about the kids?
- [What Comes First: The Alcoholism or the Void?](https://soberandunashamed.com/what-comes-first-the-alcoholism-or-the-void/) - When an alcoholic quits drinking, he must fill the void left behind. But what if the void is always there in all of us, and we alcoholics just choose booze instead of fulfillment and purpose?
- [My Alcoholism Revealed My True Friends](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-alcoholism-revealed-my-true-friends/) - I always thought finding out who my true friends are would be a sad experience revealing countless sub-par relationships. I didn\'t anticipate alcoholism would give me one of the true blessings of my life.
- [My Sobriety Tried to Kill Me](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-sobriety-tried-to-kill-me/) - As an active alcoholic, I knew my addiction was killing me. Now over a year and a half in recovery, I never imagined my sobriety would try to kill me, too.
- [Teenage Blackout Drunk Truth](https://soberandunashamed.com/teenage-blackout-drunk-truth/) - She didn\'t ask me to stop. What if she had said no after the drunken kiss made sex seem so completely inevitable? I believe the 15-year-old girl. Maybe him too.
- [Oktoberfail](https://soberandunashamed.com/oktoberfail/) - No matter how long I am sober, for an alcoholic with a love of strong, flavorful beers, some things always off limits. Read about my Oktoberfest disaster.
- [Through My Daughter's Eyes](https://soberandunashamed.com/through-my-daughters-eyes/) - My daughter tells the story of my family\'s worst night of my alcoholism, and there is a lot at risk. The truth is the only chance to cure this deadly disease.
- [The Battle Rages On](https://soberandunashamed.com/the-battle-rages-on/) - I know how to stay sober in big moments - good or bad. But when the frustrations piled up, and temptation lurked, the pull was too much for my human resistance.
- [Questions of a Social Media Misfit](https://soberandunashamed.com/questions-of-a-social-media-misfit/) - For the longest time, I thought I hated social media. I was wrong. I don’t hate social media. I don’t understand it and I can’t figure out how to use it effectively.
- [Lovingly Awkward](https://soberandunashamed.com/lovingly-awkward/) - I struggled to understand my teenage son\'s slightly slurred speech between gulpy chugs of water. Was he trying to dilute something? Had his day of adventure at a local amusement park with a friend included experimentation with...something? Was he dehydrated, or was he under the influence?
- [My Responsibility](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-responsibility/) - My sister\'s email left me covered in sweat and gasping for air. That was a very common "morning after" reaction during active alcoholism. After a year and a half in recovery, it was a reaction that filled me with shame and self-loathing. Read my sister\'s message and my sober reaction.
- [Amen(d)s](https://soberandunashamed.com/amends/) - My family listened intently as my mom asked, "You know what we haven\'t heard? We haven\'t heard you say you\'re sorry." "I\'m not," I said defiantly. "I\'m not sorry for my alcoholism." Cancer patients don\'t apologize for being weak and tired. Why does our society shame alcoholics into making amends? There is a better way.
- [Broken Silence](https://soberandunashamed.com/broken-silence/) - When I started writing about my alcoholism and the pain it caused me and my family, my dad told me he didn\'t want to discuss the details. That was fine with me until it wasn\'t. Like an untreated wound left to fester, we needed to talk about it in order to heal our relationship. We did, and I\'m glad to have my dad back.
- [Morals Saved My Life](https://soberandunashamed.com/morals-saved-my-life/) - The only difference between me and the homeless alcoholic who dies in a gutter is starting point. Morals matter. Morality is not a cliche nor a political talking point. The behavior of all alcoholics declines. Starting with a strong moral foundation gives us time to get off the one way trip to the gates of hell.
- [Delusions of Happiness](https://soberandunashamed.com/delusions-of-happiness/) - I don\'t think I\'m meant to be happy - at least not all the time. I spend most of my time in a state of discontent. It is useful and thoughtful, but also chaotic and stressful. It is a state of mind that gives me the best chance to connect with people. And that feeling is better than happiness for me.
- [Uncomfortable Distance](https://soberandunashamed.com/uncomfortable-distance/) - Sobriety doesn\'t fix anything for the family of an alcoholic. In fact, sobriety exposes the depth of the wounds that alcohol both causes and hides from view. My brave little sis is ready to start the healing process. I am grateful.
- [Stigma - Video of My Sermon](https://soberandunashamed.com/stigma-video-of-my-sermon/) - Thanks to those who made it to my sermon on Sunday, June 10, 2018 at Denver\'s Washington Park United Methodist Church. If you missed it, I sure would love to hear what you think about my assertions about society\'s culpability in the epidemic of alcoholism.
- [Owning My Alcoholic Label](https://soberandunashamed.com/owning-my-alcoholic-label/) - Alcoholism spawns feelings of intense shame and guilt. Many in the addiction recovery community reject the alcoholic label. I own my lable. By openly claiming my alcoholism I render the shameful label powerless and open myself up to honest and valuable relationships with friends, family and strangers alike.
- [My Mission from God Finds its Voice](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-mission-from-god-finds-its-voice/) - Please join me as I deliver a sermon titled, "Stigma" about our society\'s shame-filled monster - alcoholism. The talk will take place June 10, 2018 at 9:30am at the Wash Park United Methodist Church at 1955 East Arizona Avenue, Denver, Colorado 80210
- [My 80 Proof Fantasy](https://soberandunashamed.com/my-80-proof-fantasy/) - I am blessed and thankful to be sober and unashamed, but sometimes I fantasize about just one more night of drinking. It would not involve friends or a party or a sporting event. My fantasy is about me and the lost love of my life.

## Pages

- [Do you have a drinking problem?](https://soberandunashamed.com/) - End the mental gymnastics of debating your relationship with alcohol. Take my Alcoholic Status Survey to determine if it is time to make a change in your life.
- [About Me](https://soberandunashamed.com/about/) - High-functioning alcoholic hid his addiction from the world and now shares his story in hideous detail facing the shame of sobriety in an alcohol-soaked world.
- [A Spouse's Guide to Alcoholism Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/spouses-guide-to-alcoholism-recovery/)
- [Guide to Early Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/guide-to-early-sobriety/)
- [Books](https://soberandunashamed.com/books/)
- [Outspoken](https://soberandunashamed.com/outspoken/) - Matt Salis isn\'t just a writer. He is speaking out about the stigma associated with alcoholism. He speaks to groups large and small, young and mature, on a variety of topics.
- [Subscribe](https://soberandunashamed.com/subscribe/)
- [Contact Me](https://soberandunashamed.com/contact/) - Ask questions or provide feedback to high-functioning alcoholic now sober and unashamed, Matt Salis
- [Underlying Issues Series](https://soberandunashamed.com/underlying-issues-series/) - The "Underlying Issues Series" is about dealing with life after alcoholism. But there are tons of resources in Sober and Unashamed to help with early recovery,
- [Instagram Links](https://soberandunashamed.com/instagram-links/)
- [soberevolution Book Launch Team](https://soberandunashamed.com/soberevolution-book-launch-team/)
- [Medium Tutorial](https://soberandunashamed.com/medium-tutorial/)
- [Download My Guide to Early Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/download-my-guide-to-early-sobriety/)
- [Download He's Sober. Now What? A Spouse's Guide to Alcoholism Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/download-spouses-guide-to-alcoholism-recovery/)

## Categories

- [Uncategorized](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/uncategorized/)
- [Alcoholism](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/alcoholism/)
- [Shame of Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/shame-of-sobriety/)
- [The Pit](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/the-pit/)
- [Marriage](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/marriage/)
- [Unashamed](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/unashamed/)
- [Parenting](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/parenting/)
- [Family](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/family/)
- [God](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/god/)
- [Untoxicated Podcast](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/untoxicated-podcast/)
- [Purpose](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/purpose/)
- [Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/recovery/)
- [Alcohol and Kids](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/alcohol-and-kids/)
- [Darkness](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/darkness/)
- [Humor](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/humor/)
- [Policy](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/policy/)
- [Alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/alcohol/)
- [Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/sobriety/)
- [Intimacy](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/intimacy/)
- [Writing](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/writing/)
- [Addiction](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/addiction/)
- [Evolution Series](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/evolution-series/)
- [Relapse](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/relapse/)
- [Self-Esteem](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/self-esteem/)
- [The Developing Story](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/the-developing-story/)
- [Fear](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/fear/)
- [Curiosity](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/curiosity/)
- [Underlying Issues Series](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/underlying-issues-series/)
- [Emotional Safety](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/emotional-safety/)
- [Emotional Masculinity](https://soberandunashamed.com/category/emotional-masculinity/)

## Tags

- [hitting bottom](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/hitting-bottom/)
- [alcoholism](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/alcoholism/)
- [alcohol-induced depression](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/alcohol-induced-depression/)
- [shame of sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/shame-of-sobriety/)
- [high-functioning alcoholic](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/high-functioning-alcoholic/)
- [love of alcohol](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/love-of-alcohol/)
- [shame](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/shame/)
- [depression](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/depression/)
- [marriage pain](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/marriage-pain/)
- [quiting drinking](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/quiting-drinking/)
- [Sober Pride](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/sober-pride/)
- [effects on children](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/effects-on-children/)
- [family pain](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/family-pain/)
- [Divine](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/divine/)
- [filling the void](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/filling-the-void/)
- [Podcast](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/podcast/)
- [binge drinking](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/binge-drinking/)
- [mediocrity](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/mediocrity/)
- [recovery nutrition](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/recovery-nutrition/)
- [anonymity kills](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/anonymity-kills/)
- [Peace in Recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/peace-in-recovery/)
- [mental health](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/mental-health/)
- [suicide](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/suicide/)
- [early sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/early-sobriety/)
- [support SHOUT Sobriety](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/support-shout-sobriety/)
- [connection](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/connection/)
- [relationship recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/relationship-recovery/)
- [laughter](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/laughter/)
- [gray area drinking](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/gray-area-drinking/)
- [public policy](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/public-policy/)
- [echoes of recovery](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/echoes-of-recovery/)
- [spectrum of addiction](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/spectrum-of-addiction/)
- [socializing sober](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/socializing-sober/)
- [relapse](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/relapse/)
- [sex](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/sex/)
- [intimacy](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/intimacy/)
- [self-esteem](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/self-esteem/)
- [grief](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/grief/)
- [fear](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/fear/)
- [gaslighting](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/gaslighting/)
- [evolution series](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/evolution-series/)
- [anxiety](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/anxiety/)
- [courage](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/courage/)
- [detachment](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/detachment/)
- [mental gymnastics](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/mental-gymnastics/)
- [euphoria](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/euphoria/)
- [guilt](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/guilt/)
- [the developing story](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/the-developing-story/)
- [writing](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/writing/)
- [teens](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/teens/)
- [maladaptive coping mechanisms](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/maladaptive-coping-mechanisms/)
- [holidays](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/holidays/)
- [vulnerability](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/vulnerability/)
- [freedom](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/freedom/)
- [underlying issues](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/underlying-issues/)
- [family](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/family/)
- [friendship](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/friendship/)
- [divorce](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/divorce/)
- [love](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/love/)
- [confidence](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/confidence/)
- [Compulsivity](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/compulsivity/)
- [safety](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/safety/)
- [emotional safety](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/emotional-safety/)
- [insecurity](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/insecurity/)
- [authenticity](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/authenticity/)
- [self-confidence](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/self-confidence/)
- [Attraction](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/attraction/)
- [addiction economy](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/addiction-economy/)
- [emotional masculinity](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/emotional-masculinity/)
- [power addiction](https://soberandunashamed.com/tag/power-addiction/)