I could only wait so long…
Alcoholism is a winless waiting game. We wait for things to get better. We wait for the solution to emerge. As the drinkers, we wait for our new rule to keep us in control, or for the stress to decrease so we can enjoy our beloved beverage in harmonious peace. As the loved ones of drinkers, you wait for us to see the light and come to our senses. You wait for us to stop or to slow down – to prioritize family over liquid poison.
But waiting isn’t a strategy. Waiting is a slow, excruciating defeat. Waiting is inevitable failure.
Our friend and leader in the soberevolution could only wait so long. As the wife of an active alcoholic, she knew waiting any longer would deliver a tragic result. Here are her words:
I could only wait so long….
I had to leave.
I had to protect myself and stop waiting for the inevitable to happen.
I couldn’t wait for my face to break
Or my bones to crack
Or my breath to stop flowing.
I could only wait for so long before I had to flee…..
I had to run
To break free.
Break the cycle
Loose the chains
Keep my head above water and learn to live again.
I wasn’t going to let him win
The demon my love battled
I wasn’t going to let him pull me in
Into the pit where darkness never ends.
Where happiness dies
And tears are bled.
I couldn’t go back
I had to survive
A formidable foe was I
One not to be trifled with.
I have strength beyond measure
No matter how hard the battle
I have precious treasure.
To protect, to love, to nurture to grow
This is my call
A gentle warrior to be.
I fight and I love and I keep breaking free
I will not be defeated
I will not go down.
I can’t wait any longer
It has to be now.
We are publishing these powerful words anonymously – not because our friend is embarrassed to own them. To the contrary, actually. We would love to give her credit for this heartfelt call to action, and she would love to scream her decision from the highest mountain. But she is in danger. Real, physical danger. So for now, her anonymity is part of her commitment to her own safety.
If you are an alcoholic, please take our friend’s words to heart. You might think she is dramatic. You might think her nagginess or negativity are part of the problem. You might think you would never hurt a woman and these words don’t apply to you. You’d be wrong on all accounts. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you aren’t here, it’s because you haven’t yet reached this ultimate destination.
By sharing this, we are not calling for an end to all alcoholic relationships. We are calling for an end to the alcohol that fuels the dysfunction in yours.
Pure love and alcohol can’t coexist. Maybe you have a decision to make.
If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and if you’d like help, support, connection and empathy in your healing process, please join us in Echoes of Recovery. We don’t have all the answers, but we are a safe and knowing place to ask the questions. You’ll be in good company. For more information, or to enroll, please click the button below.
And if you are ready to take back your life, whether you are the drinker or the loved one, please read our new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage.