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Pals

Alcoholism, Family By Matt Salis, MPS 4 Comments

Pals

My freshman year in college I was assigned to a dorm floor that also housed two Indiana University offensive lineman. On Sundays, the dorm cafeteria was closed, and the three of us often went to the all-you-can-eat buffet at Ryan’s Steakhouse. My two football friends would eat for hours. I could not keep up. I would eat a hearty, gluttonous lunch, study for a couple of hours at our table, then reload and force down an early dinner. Two big meals for the price of one. It was not close to the most unhealthy habit I developed during my first year in college, and it was friendly to my quite limited budget.

 

This past Sunday was the first time since 1992 that I sat in a restaurant long enough to eat a meal and get hungry again.

Hugs

Underlying Issues Series By Matt Salis, MPS 3 Comments

Hugs

*Underlying Issues Series

 

He was coming at me covered in sweat. It wasn’t just his sweat. It was his sweat and his opponent’s sweat and the sweat of dozens of others who came before him. His arms were open wide and his smile was as big as my sudden panic. He was no longer walking. He trotted toward me, bouncing in victory, droplets spraying from his face, arms and shoulders. I was so proud. I love him so much. But he was…well…soggy.

Puzzles, Picture Albums, and Board Games

Alcoholism, Family, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 10 Comments

Puzzles, Picture Albums, and Board Games

In the center of the living room sits a large wooden coffee table. On top of the table are thirteen finished puzzles and two puzzle boxes. Twelve of the puzzles are small – scenes of Christmas featuring Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the rest of the Peanuts gang. One is large and intricate – a cityscape of brownstone buildings decorated for Christmas. Under the coffee table is a stack of magazines that usually sit on the table, a board game, a collection of our family Christmas letters from years past shoved into plastic sleeves contained in a three-ring binder, two candy canes, and a picture album. There is another picture album on the side table next to the sofa.

Why Merry Christmas?

Underlying Issues Series By Matt Salis, MPS 2 Comments

Why Merry Christmas?

*Underlying Issues Series

 

Merry Christmas!

 

I don’t say that as a political statement, or because I am ignorant to our melting pot’s religious and cultural diversity. I say it because I love Christmas, and because I am selfish. Since I spend something like 98% of my time thinking about me, and I am typing within ten feet of a Christmas tree, I have Christmas on my mind. So, Merry Christmas!

I Might Be Getting Fired

Alcoholism, Intimacy, Unashamed By Matt Salis, MPS 16 Comments

I Might Be Getting Fired

I might be getting fired.

 

I’ve never been fired before. Now that the likelihood looms, I actually feel guilty that I have made it 51 years without doing anything important enough to threaten the narrow minded among us.

 

***

 

My first job was scooping ice cream one town over from where I lived in high school. I was eventually promoted to ice cream maker, and it was probably the best job I’ve ever had. I ate unlimited ice cream and made my own hours with one guiding responsibility: never let the freezers run out of any of the flavors. I tried to stir the thick, sweet rum syrup for the rum raisin ice cream into cups of fountain Coca-Cola. It tasted like shit, and I had to slurp it more than drink it, but it gave me the naughty little kick teenagers brag about to their classmates. I left that job to work at Sam Goody, a music store selling CDs and tapes. Even though I had to wear a tie and work in the mall, music was way cooler than ice cream for a high schooler. Drudgery quickly replaced coolness as I was tasked with alphabetizing all day, everyday. Put out the new shipments, restock returned CDs and tapes and fix the disorder created by careless shoppers who clearly didn’t know their ABCs. That job sucked, and it made me feel like a criminal when the manager patted me down after every shift, or even when I went to the food court for a Wetzel’s Pretzel.

Evolution Series: Is This Emotional Abuse?

Evolution Series, Family, Marriage, Parenting By Sara 2 Comments

Learning About My Trauma by Helping Others

I opened the door and saw Javier, the sixteen-year-old son of one of our tenants, standing on my doorstep. His was not a face I expected to see, but I was fond of his family, and he looked distressed. I asked him if he wanted to come in and talk. He was breathing hard as he perched on the sofa. Javi told me, his face reddening, that his dad had started hitting his little sisters. “I could put up with it when it was just me. But them? No. I can’t stand it.” He knew I was a lawyer (though unbeknownst to this desperate kid, I hadn’t practiced in years, and never in family law). He’d come to me to understand his options for getting his dad out of the house. He even brought evidence in the form of cellphone videos of his dad’s violence he had bravely recorded inside the apartment. What would happen if he called CPS, he wondered. 

 

A couple of hours later, I reluctantly sent Javi home, breathed a big sigh, and opened my laptop to do some research. This was my first (and hopefully last) time being the trusted adult a kid came to with a big problem, and I was determined not to let him, his mom and his sisters down.

I Am Curious

Alcoholism, Curiosity By Matt Salis, MPS 4 Comments

I Am Curious

It seems that gone are the days of trying to hide public consumption and intoxication. Along with my family and some friends, I attended an annual Halloween parade on Saturday evening, and the one thing that no one was trying to disguise was their fearless use of alcohol and other drugs. I used to at least pour my drinks into a travel coffee mug when in public, but any shame, or even just discretion, seems to have worked its way out of the culture.

 

The culture I inserted myself into Saturday evening, that is. The parade was on Broadway in Denver – a street with a long history of prosperity before it rolled over to show its underbelly. But Broadway is trying to make a resurgence. It is an eclectic blend of liquor stores, bars with live music, tattoo parlors, marijuana dispensaries, thrift stores and restaurants – some of which are just a single notch too upscale, trying to pull the neighborhood to the next social level. At the parade, we were perched between a sex accessories store across the street, and a vape shop behind us that was selling hot dogs cooked on the sidewalk on a portable propane grill. Given our surroundings, it seemed that if the Broadway regulars weren’t drinking with discretion, I was the one out of place, not them.

Evolution Series: Distortion

Alcoholism, Evolution Series, Family, Marriage By Melanie 6 Comments

Distortion

After alcohol killed my husband, I looked through years of text messages from him, looking for clues. There was no mystery, and I’m not sure what I was trying to solve. Somehow, knowing the truth wasn’t enough. I compiled his messages to me – often repeated over and over again – in search of answers.

 

These are his words:

 

“I know that I am not what you want anymore. I know you are unhappy in our marriage. I know you are pulling away and preparing to leave me. I have never been enough for you. I know you are looking for someone new to replace me, if you have not already found him. You and the kids don’t want me around anyway. I’m best served to just stay quiet. It all seems so fragile sometimes. You guys were fine until me. Being quiet doesn’t work. Should I move further away?

 

“I will just work. That’s all I am good for.

Evolution Series: Don’t Ask About Him

Alcoholism, Evolution Series, Marriage By Rene 1 Comment

Don't Ask Me About Him

Please ask about my cats. Elvis and Carson are my loyal little companions, but even more importantly, they are my family. They are my comfort, my unconditional loves and my best friends. Ask about them and enjoy my smile as I tell you all about their perfect little furry faces.

 

Please don’t ask about Louie. I’ve distanced myself, and I don’t know the everyday details of how he’s doing. You asking about him reminds me of the distance, the detachment and the walls I’ve had to build to protect myself. You don’t know all of this, and I know that no malice exists behind your innocent question.