Recovery

Progress

Addiction, Family, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 2 Comments

Progress

Audio version now available.

 

Waymo cars driven by humans are techno-mapping the streets of Denver. Local TV ads are recruiting D.P.D. officers to fulfill their destinies and become ICE agents (read that sentence in your best James Earl Jones voice). There are over eight billion people on the planet, but a handful of lunatics possess nuclear codes that could wipe us all out. People get their news from platforms that also allow us to sell our old air fryer or garden hose to our neighbors. I miss plays at the high school football game because I get distracted by the drones filming the action. And I just want to go deep in the mountains and build a lean-to out of sticks and mud.

Senseless Urgency

Alcoholism, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS No Comments

Senseless Urgency

Audio version now available.

 

When Sheri was pregnant with our first child, we decided we needed a safer, more sensible family-oriented car. Nothing like pregnancy to open our eyes to the death-tempting lifestyle we’d been socially conditioned to accept. You might have thought we were lion tamers or sword swallowers, not an inside sales representative and his bank-teller wife.

 

It must be fun to sell cars when a young couple enters the dealership with bright eyes and bushy tails, and maybe a little drool forming at the corners of their mouths to offset the sparkle of innocent naivety in their eyes. I came prepared with my internet printouts from the KBB website determined to get the best of my adversary in his clip-on tie and rubber-soled wingtips. We found a car we liked, and as we started the negotiation process, our salesman pointed to another couple sitting with one of his coworkers at a similar showroom desk. He said the couple was interested in the same car, and that it was the only one with those features in inventory. As Mike Tyson famously said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” I think I offered $500 over sticker. The ink wouldn’t come out of the pen fast enough as I hastily wrote the biggest check of my young-adult life. My bride was impressed. With the salesman. Through the years, I justified my impetuous overpayment by reminding myself that the car had clearly protected our baby from all the untamed lions in Minnesota.

A.B.D.

Alcoholism, Marriage, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 4 Comments

A.B.D.

Audio version now available.

 

I subscribed my wife, Sheri, to a paid Spotify account for her birthday several years ago. To help you gauge how incredibly cheap I really am, I think a Spotify account is like $10 a month. Or maybe $15. Or maybe it was $10 back then, and now it’s $15. Anyway, the point is, $10 a month took thoughtful consideration for me. “That’s $120 a year, don’t you know. Why can’t you use the free version? Do you really need to be able to create playlists? Can’t you just sit by your boombox and press the cassette record button when the radio plays your favorite songs like the seasoned Gen-Xer you are?” Generosity just oozes from my thoughtful consideration.

 

This gift for Sheri allows for three logins using the same username and password. I immediately signed my phone into her account, and within a week, I found another of my devices I could use to occupy the third loggin. Happy birthday, Sheri. I’ll be commandeering 2/3rds of your cheap-ass gift.

 

Believe it or not, that’s not the end of the Spotify story.

Dance Like Everybody’s Watching

Alcoholism, Recovery, Self-Esteem By Matt Salis, MPS 8 Comments

Dance Like Everybody's Watching

Audio version now available.

 

Confidence comes from doing the things that require a little liquid courage without the liquid courage.

 

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How do you know if you need a few drinks to talk to women when every time you are in a situation conducive to initiating a conversation with the opposite sex that situation carries with it an expectation of alcohol consumption? I don’t remember needing liquid courage when I was a drinker, but I also don’t remember socializing sober.

Cabbage Overdose

Addiction, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 6 Comments

Cabbage Overdose

Audio version now available.

 

I cringe at the term, “addictive personality.” My personality is one of the only things not driving my addictions. My neurology and biology are certainly out to destroy me, but I prefer to think of my personality as warm and engaging, although perhaps a little overwhelming. I have been told by those closest to me on more than a few occasions that I am a lot. My personality is something to which no one has ever become addicted.

 

I prefer to think of myself as having a penchant for compulsivity. When I find things I like, I tend to embrace them with the tenacity of a locked-jaw pitbull. The fact that I spent a decade trying to moderate my consumption of alcohol is laughable. I can’t moderate anything I like. In fact, believe it or not, I recently overdosed on cabbage.

Who the f&@% is this guy?

Alcoholism, Marriage, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 1 Comment

Who the f&@% is this guy?

Audio version now available.

 

Most of the active or sober alcoholics who listen to our Untoxicated Podcast or read our Sober and Unashamed blog are referred to our stuff by their partners. In most cases, the partner has tried to implement some of what she has learned from our experiences into her own growth and recovery. This means that the majority of the alcoholics who are introduced to our stories are already feeling the pain of emotional detachment and a lack of compassion from their partners when they first find us.

 

Most of the referred alcoholics greet our words with the same question: “Who the fuck is this guy?” Sheri is not met with this level of venomous aggression. Maybe it is sexism, or maybe her fearlessness and confidence are obvious even to new listeners. Regardless, I think the portion of our audience that we enflame is wise to direct their aggression toward me as Sheri takes having no more fucks to give to a whole different level.

Accumulation

Alcoholism, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 10 Comments

Accumulation

Audio version now available.

 

I listened to a podcast interview of Anne Applebaum, a journalist and historian who has been, for the past 35 years, studying and writing about how budding aristocracies grab power and, eventually, destroy economies. I learned a lot and found the interview both fascinating and terrifying. But I missed some of what she said because I was distracted. I was distracted pondering the fact that I don’t have 35 years.

 

I study and write about intimacy and addiction. In 35 years I’ll be in my late 80s, and no one wants to read about sex from a person approaching the century mark, although Betty White cracked sex jokes all the way to the end. But I’ll be an old man, not an old woman, so where she sounded spunky and vibrant, I’ll just sound creepy and perverted.

 

The clarity of permanent sobriety is mostly a good thing. But the clarity brings with it a growing sense of lost potential. Like what if I started my half-century quest for knowledge in my 30s instead of my mid 40s?

Momentum

Alcoholism, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS 8 Comments

Momentum

Audio version now available.

 

If I parallel park my manual transmission Jeep on a hill, I turn the wheel so that one of the front tires is digging into the curb. I was taught this maneuver as a teenager so that if the parking brake fails, and it pops out of first gear, the curb will keep the vehicle from rolling down the hill.

 

If I don’t turn the wheel, and in the unlikely event that both the parking brake and transmission fail and the Jeep starts rolling, five miles per hour is plenty of speed to send the vehicle careening over the same curb, doing thousands of dollars of damage and potentially injuring or killing someone.

 

My Jeep weighs two tons. Stationary, the curb is strong enough to hold it. With just a little momentum, however, the curb is no match.

 

I often find myself in an “inspiration” loop in a social media algorithm. I have recently heard Tom Brady, Jerry Seinfeld, Kobe Bryant, Warren Buffett and Roger Federer independently deliver the exact same message about momentum. Success is not derived from talent. It is derived from commitment, persistence, dedication and hard work. These legends in their fields aren’t better than their competition. They are just better at maintaining momentum.