Tag: gaslighting

Evolution Series: There Was Before and then There Was After

Alcoholism, Evolution Series, Marriage By Karli Illes No Comments

There Was Before and then There Was After

We lie to ourselves and others about minor things, major things, and all the things in between. There was before, then there was after, and again, everything in between.

 

The things we wished we had said and the things we ended up saying that weren’t quite right and didn’t land the way we wished they would, and possibly their feelings wouldn’t have been so hurt, or there wouldn’t have been such a misunderstanding if only the words had been right.

 

But the right words are for the right situations, and when things are messy, and misunderstandings are already the tapestry that has been laid, that encloses and surrounds a relationship, it doesn’t seem to matter how one says anything.

What if Everyone had Known?

Alcoholism, Recovery By Matt Salis 6 Comments

What if everyone had known?

What if everyone had known everything right from the beginning? What if my dirty little secrets, that started as rare indiscretions or occasional overindulgences, were on display for all to see? What if the progression of my drinking, and the progression of my moodiness, anxiety, irrationality and depression, were plastered on the outside, instead of insidiously roiling on the inside?

 

What if there were no secrets? Only increasingly despicable truths. Truths everyone knew. What then?

 

I would have gotten sober a lot sooner, that’s what. I never would have crossed that invisible line into addiction. It would not have been easy, but the truth sure would have made the decision simple.

This Is Where I Disappear

Alcoholism, Marriage By Barbara 4 Comments

This Is Where I Disappear

I do the yardwork. I have since we moved out of our apartment and into our first rented house. By then, John was already sick, but we were still long months away from his cirrhosis diagnosis. He tried to mow the lawn once, in the early days at the rental, and gave up after five minutes. 

 

At the age of forty-four, his liver sneakily failing, he simply wasn’t physically capable of it.

It ain’t just a river…

Alcoholism, Marriage By Barbara 1 Comment

It ain't just a river...

“I know you never lie to me. I believe you. You’re not lying. It’s worse than lying. You’ve forgotten.” 

Gaslight, 1944

 

The rocks glass, perched on the old steamer trunk in the basement, contains a pale pink liquid.

 

But I know he drinks cranberry juice out of his rocks glass. Bright red cranberry juice. The warm plastic bottle of it is sitting right beside the rocks glass, on the old steamer trunk covered with the labels of our past wine bottles (those bottles our main means of travel).

 

I can never bury the familiar internal alarm deep enough. Something is not right here breaks out like spring sprouts from the dirt as I walk past the steamer trunk on my way to the laundry. I’m an experimentalist, not a theorist, though, so I grab the rocks glass and knock back a quick swallow.