Tag: underlying issues

Never Quite Measuring Up

Alcoholism, Self-Esteem By Matt Salis, MPS 2 Comments

Never Quite Measuring Up

Audio version now available.

 

I did the math in my head. If the sales revenue generated on the opening day of our fourth location remained even sort-of consistent, we would be good–finally over the hump to financial security. We started with one whole grain bread bakery in 2004, and four years later, we had added three locations, and I thought we had reached our goal. I remember where I was standing, on the stairs leading to our kitchen, when I was overcome by relief. A goal attained. At last. At long last.

 

But it didn’t last. I grew to resent those opening day looky-loos for getting my hopes up. Our fourth location settled into a revenue performance much like that of our other three bakeries. We would survive. But we were not going to thrive. So I looked for a new path to achieve our goal of financial security. I adjusted the product lines, trimmed down our workforce, promoted seasonal specials, changed our operating hours, partnered with other organizations, donated tons of bread in the community. I even ate nothing but whole grain bread for a whole month, and lost weight, to debunk the gluten-free frenzy. And I did it all in pursuit of a goal.

Big Birthday Revolution

Unashamed By Matt Salis, MPS 9 Comments

Big Birthday Revolution

Audio version now available.

 

My dad’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t send him a card. I called him on his birthday, but I got his voicemail, so I left a message. We didn’t talk until the next weekend. By then, it just felt like it had been too long to re-wish him a happy birthday, so I didn’t. He reads my blog, so Dad, happy birthday. There. A voicemail and an interweb shout-out.

 

I still feel guilty. And conflicted.

Rose, part two

Alcoholism, Emotional Safety By Matt Salis, MPS No Comments

Rose, part two

Audio version now available.

(Click here to read part one.)

Confused about the sources of her anxiety, and incapable of confronting Chris for the alcohol or relationship dysfunction, Rose did what she’d been trained to do her whole life. She signed up for 5k runs and thumbed through grad school degree catalogs. Deflection and gaslighting are traits so often assigned to people experiencing addiction first hand. But second-hand alcoholics can get pretty good at them, too. Rose could have taught a grad school class in denying reality and looking for a solution in external gratification.

 

Rose ignored the anxiety and her partner’s drinking, and instead focused on the next degree, the next job, or at least the next PR in the next Saturday morning race. It is a good thing she didn’t get the euphoric feeling from booze that many of us alcoholics experience. She had the denial and deflection down so well that it’s kind of amazing that she didn’t develop a debilitating addiction of her own.

 

She was stuck.

I Wish She Would Die

Addiction, Emotional Safety, Family By Matt Salis, MPS 2 Comments

I Wish She Would Die

Audio version now available.

 

“I wish my partner would die.”

 

The gruesome, shameful desire uttered faintly through hopeless lips, the unexpected authenticity of an exhausted heart. She looked up slowly, terrified to see the reactions of the people to whom she had gifted her trust, afraid that her new admission had crossed the line of relatability to something unthinkable.

 

She saw nodding heads. Lots of nodding heads.

Atrophied Intelligence

Unashamed By Matt Salis, MPS No Comments

Atrophied Intelligence

Audio version now available.

 

I finally found a use for AI. If I am trying to find a way to reach a semi-famous person to invite them on our podcast or to initiate an exchange of ideas around their area of expertise, the default AI thing at the top of Google search will sometimes scrape the interwebs and come up with an email back door for me. I don’t ask ChatGTP questions. I don’t use AI platforms to write for me. I don’t trust AI search results and always click on the source material. I don’t think I am a grumpy old man who is in denial of progress and our human destiny, but then again, would I recognize it if I was?

Rubber Stamping a Toxic Culture

Addiction, Self-Esteem By Matt Salis, MPS 2 Comments

Rubber Stamping a Toxic Culture

Audio version now available.

 

I bought a rubber stamp from a door-to-door rubber stamp salesman once. It was early in our whole grain bread bakery career–maybe 2005. He was wearing a suit and tie long after Friday business casual had seeped into the other four days of the week. He carried a brief case that he opened on our bakery counter. It didn’t actually have briefs in it at all. He had dozens of rubber stamps in little molded foam compartments. He had big stamps that said, “PAST DUE,” in all caps, and small round stamps that said, “Have a nice Day!” in letters arched around a smiley face. He had stamps with rotating numbers so you could adjust the date, and stamps with custom corporate logos. Of course, he had bottles of various colors of ink, and ink pads with lids to keep the ink from drying out.

Senseless Urgency

Alcoholism, Recovery By Matt Salis, MPS No Comments

Senseless Urgency

Audio version now available.

 

When Sheri was pregnant with our first child, we decided we needed a safer, more sensible family-oriented car. Nothing like pregnancy to open our eyes to the death-tempting lifestyle we’d been socially conditioned to accept. You might have thought we were lion tamers or sword swallowers, not an inside sales representative and his bank-teller wife.

 

It must be fun to sell cars when a young couple enters the dealership with bright eyes and bushy tails, and maybe a little drool forming at the corners of their mouths to offset the sparkle of innocent naivety in their eyes. I came prepared with my internet printouts from the KBB website determined to get the best of my adversary in his clip-on tie and rubber-soled wingtips. We found a car we liked, and as we started the negotiation process, our salesman pointed to another couple sitting with one of his coworkers at a similar showroom desk. He said the couple was interested in the same car, and that it was the only one with those features in inventory. As Mike Tyson famously said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” I think I offered $500 over sticker. The ink wouldn’t come out of the pen fast enough as I hastily wrote the biggest check of my young-adult life. My bride was impressed. With the salesman. Through the years, I justified my impetuous overpayment by reminding myself that the car had clearly protected our baby from all the untamed lions in Minnesota.

(Un)Lone Bone

Uncategorized, Underlying Issues Series By Matt Salis, MPS 10 Comments

(Un)Lone Bone

Audio version now available.

 

Middle school is brutal. In all the states where I have lived, both growing up across the Midwest and East Coast, and as an adult in the Midwest and Mountain West, middle school is three grades: sixth, seventh, and eighth. Elementary school is kindergarten through fifth, and high school is ninth through twelfth. I am convinced that middle school is the shortest experience because neither the parents nor the students could survive more than three years being subjected to the cauldron of hormones, body odor, and curse words. The gymnasium during a middle school dance smells like the violent collision of B.O. and Axe Body Spray. If the only risks to unsupervised middle school dances are teen pregnancy and burning down the gym, it might be worth rolling the dice to spare the parent and teacher chaperones from the exposure trauma.

Bitch

Underlying Issues Series By Matt Salis, MPS 6 Comments

Bitch

Audio version now available.

 

“You a bitch!”

 

I answered a call from a restricted number after 10pm on Saturday, and I immediately wished I had not. It sounded like a young man, and my first thought was to applaud the gender fluidity of his insult. When I was a teen or a young adult, insulting another male was to call him a dick or a prick or an asshole. I would never have dreamed of calling another man a bitch. That open mindedness aside, I was concerned about the caller’s grammar. Maybe I am a bitch, but it’s definitely not correct that I a bitch.

Keep My Food Out of Your Mouth

Underlying Issues Series By Matt Salis, MPS 4 Comments

 

Keep My Food Our of Your Mouth

Audio version now available.

 

I don’t think people should ever comment on each other’s food. “You must be hungry.” “You’re eating now? Didn’t you just eat a while ago?” “Seconds? You must like it.” “I see you don’t like vegetables. Hahahaha” “Sweet tooth, huh?” These are all societally innocent comments. They are conversation gap fillers. They aren’t meant to harm, but they do irreparable damage.

 

From skinny people who battle body image issues and associated eating disorders, to people dealing with obesity and diabetes, these little throw-away comments create shame. And shame gets medicated. Whether the medication of choice is vomiting, compulsive exercise, alcohol, or comfort calories, harmless little digs about other people’s food are far from harmless.