If you are wondering if your relationship is like the relationships of others, it’s probably different. If you are wondering, you are probably too afraid to ask.
If you think marriage and children will fix things, they won’t.
You can’t fix their holes that they had when they came to you. You can’t give them your family as a replacement for what they didn’t have, no matter how much you share and shower them with love and attention. It can’t fix that which never existed.
They also can’t do this for you.
Pause when it feels wrong. Your instincts are there to protect you.
Have a conversation about why it feels wrong. You deserve that. If they can’t give you that now, they won’t be able to later. Relationships evolve, but they don’t get easier.
So many have come before you and walked this path – living in their head, creating answers they want and turning a blind eye to what they know they are seeing.
Every person deserves a chance to be heard, and to fall and be helped up, but not at the expense of drowning out the voice of another.
Embrace you – every magnificent quirk that makes you who you are.
Don’t change because they tell you the change will make them better.
Don’t hide your pain. Be curious about it.
It’s the curiosity that can tame the monster. Only you can do that.
The relationship you want will only show up when you ask for what you need, and then decide what to do if you can’t get it. You cannot scream, manipulate or play games to get your needs met. That might feel like a solution, but that will only be a temporary fix.
The relationship is a dance. You may step on toes and forget steps, but you practice together. The dance never has to be perfect, just practiced.
If there’s no practice, how long will you dance alone? Your extra solo practice won’t make up for no practice with your partner. Choose the dance you want, you deserve that.
Just in case you are wondering.
If you are wondering if our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics is a good fit for you, we hope you’ll check us out.